So listen, I know it’s been awhile since we talked and I hope everything is going really well for you, but I have a really important meeting tomorrow that I would like to be 100 percent ready for so I would really appreciate it if you spent the night somewhere else tonight? No hard feelings? Thanks, you’re the best.
What’s up Insomnia?
Sorry about the other night. You must have been pretty mad since you stuck around all night playing loud reggae music and singing all the wrong words even though I asked you to leave. Do you actually know what the singers are saying or did you make up half of them? Anyway, that meeting was super great, I was groggy and fighting to keep my eyes open the whole time. Thank God for coffee, even if the fifth cup I had that morning just made me feel anxious and ready to vomit but it was still awesome. Thanks for your help!
Come back tonight?
Tired at Work
We’ve been buds for a long time now and I was really hoping that you would come with me on my trip to Connecticut? It wouldn’t be the same without you and I know that the guy I’m going to be visiting won’t mind if I sit up late at night reading all his Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy books in one sitting. I’ll have a lot of extra time since he’ll be sleeping so much like crazy, normal people do and you’ll be entertaining me with musings on my international options for asylum if Trump or Cruz gets elected as president.
See you in CT!
Awake in the Suburbs
My Dearest Insomnia,
I know I moved to the city that never sleeps and that makes you very happy, but even insomniacs deserve sleep sometimes. Even those of us who have been resigned to the darkest hours of the night by our own minds hope that tonight might actually be the night that we get more than three hours of sleep. So could you cool it just a little?
Irritated on the Weekend
I pissed you off again. I know, I have to stop doing that. It’s just this friend I have is stressing me out and I haven’t been sleeping well so my temper is a little short and my head feels like it’s been filled with cotton and my brain feels like it is actually made of lead. Have you ever experienced that kind of frustration?
Thinking of you,
I actually slept last night! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Dude, you were so quiet and I could barely hear you reading your new book out loud while doing all those insane voices. I think I passed out right when you started doing that Scottish accent. It’s coming along really well, maybe you should look into some professional auditions or something? Anyway, thanks for the quiet night, maybe we could do this again sometime?
You’re the best,
I was really hoping for another quiet night but I guess life is like a box of chocolates, right? It gives you this crazy rush of energy right when you don’t need it until you crash at the worst opportunity possible. I’ve got a long day at work of staring at a screen while barely remaining conscious and hoping that this time the coffee might actually wake me up. See you tonight?
Day Dreaming of Chocolate
We’ve been having a lot of problems lately and I know no one wants to say it, but I think we need to break up. I know, we’ve been in this relationship for longer than either of us can remember and we’ve had a lot of good times and a lot of bad times. I’d be open to couples counseling but I’ve never really thought we would be one of those couples, you know? Look I like you and all but I just have some things that I need to take care of right now and you’ve got all your crazy shenanigans going on so I think it would be best if we just went our separate ways. Maybe you can come bye sometime in a few years after I’ve settled down and had a few kids?
See you around,
Throwing in the Towel
P.S. if you show up to my apartment tonight, I will throw you down all six flights of my walk-up.