I find it difficult to master the art of letting go. For I still ask myself the same questions every day. Like “ How do I let go of someone who loved me so deeply?” or “ How do I stop wanting someone I cannot have? ”. As my eyes still sting from the crying. I tried my best to drop everything holding me down.
For my brain screamed “I need to stop loving you!” but my heart said “It will always be you.”
So here I am letting go. Like a tree losing all its leaves during autumn. Like how it slowly sheds pieces of itself, by dropping the parts of it that are no longer needed. Like how I felt my tears kiss the floor as I brought out our old pictures. The photographs of light kisses on my forehead, paired with our neatly folded love poems . So I placed everything in a garbage bin. And the pain swept in as I threw everything away. Every ‘I love you’ was pinned to the can.
Thus, I tried my best to recall the days before I knew you. Though I still miss you until now. I still love you. If only I could forget you. If only it were possible for me to zap the memories out of my head. Like ripping off a page in my book. I wouldn’t mind the tear. At least the page about you would no longer be there. Thus,there are certain things I need to let go of. Moments I held on to dearly. Memories that gave me so much to remember. Yet these things make me feel like I am losing the other half of me. But again I need to realize that I was whole to begin with.
I still somehow know all the love I ever gave you will never go to waste.
For I scattered their seeds across the field; they will soon grow in places I’ve never been to. They will grow into flowers. And soon they will bloom into something wonderful. An array of petals that are merely just memories, or leaves of fondness that do belong merely in the past. Though I am hurt and uneasy.I still thank you for all the love you gave me. I also thank you for teaching me how to love unconditionally.
But I guess moving on does not mean I no longer love you.
It means that my heart is smiling at the fact you now love somebody else. It is when I rejoice at your happiness ; even though I will no longer be a part of it.
Thus, I hope she’ll love you more than I ever did. And in return , I hope to find my own happiness again. So I guess here I am mastering this craft of letting go.