This Is The Cold Reality Of Letting Go

John Sting

Do you realize how many times I’ve tried to let you go? To untangle my exhausted, sweaty heart from your sheets? I’ve tried to pull myself away but each time I return, unable to resist this decadence.

Your arms are like tentacles that encase me without ever touching me. What do you want? You ask me. Everything, my heart cries. This is all I got, you say. It’s not enough, my mind whispers.

But you promise so much more with your voice and your eyes. You promise empty stretches of golden sand from the edge of broken pavement. Your intentions are greater than you know and so, impossible for you to fulfill.

So much time has passed since I last saw you that we might have existed in another life. Yet I’m still lying in your bed, inhaling what little scent of you remains there. That delicious bed to which we regularly retreated can’t contain you and it won’t let me go.

In one minute I want to pin you down and fuck you while you let me believe that I am strong enough to keep you there. And then, I want to unsaddle myself from you, climb out of your bed and walk away, alone and content without you.

In another moment I want to watch you read your book or make your coffee, or watch you stare at flames that lick the night sky. And then, I want to unpick your eyes to find what is behind them, learn how to be the object that captures your attention, to have those eyes on me.

To have them spill you into my lap so I can gather you up and pocket you, fold you into the cuff of my sleeve, brush you onto my cheeks, weave you into my hair, sprinkle you on my collarbone, dab you behind my ears, tuck you into all my secret places so that parts of you may become mine.

I want to be all the drink you’ve ever needed, all the sleep you’ve ever had, all the arms you’d ever want around you, all the best books you’ve ever read, the sweetest music you’ve ever heard, the most exquisite breeze on your face, all at once. To be your superlative in every sense.

Not all the time but just for a moment so you’ll know the love of which I am capable and it will be enough for you to stay with me a few more minutes, wrapped around me in those sheets.
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