This Is Why Modern Dating Is So Damn Screwed Up

I think there’s something exhilarating and absolutely, to the bone, shaking-core terrifying, about never knowing what the future holds for you and a potential lover. This day and age, every last hookup, drunk text, Snapchat, Instagram like, and sweet little message is either analyzed and over-thought to the point that whatever was there between two people, gets ruined. Or, on the other side of the spectrum, it’s completely disregarded and let go – never even getting a chance to get off the ground. I say this because I’ve lived both sides over and over again this summer. Very rarely in this generation do we see things become official between two people.

I can’t tell you the last time I remember seeing a relationship start after the classic old way of dating – this day and age you just hookup/mess around for a couple months until it basically feels like you HAVE to put a label on it, or it just ends. I mean aside from my best friend and her boyfriend, I haven’t seen ANY real relationships form in forever. As cliché as it sounds, Drake really did say it best when he said

“We live in a generation of not being in love, and not being together. But we sure make it feel like we’re together. Because we’re scared to see each other with somebody else.”

That’s the underlying issue I’m trying to get at here, I feel like everyone in this generation is BEYOND scared to open up to the person that they’re hanging out with/dating/seeing/sleeping with, whatever you want to call it. We’re all so fucked up from previous relationships and people, and it’s so goddamn hard for us to open up to the other person, that we’re pretty much doomed from the very beginning. Communication and consistency are the key things that keep relationships/flings alive. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like the Millennial Generation remembers that very often.

I think there are also a lot of faults that lie in this though too. Sometimes we get SO caught up in the questions that we’re left with after a phone call, physical/sexual contact, the look in someone’s eyes, the small gestures, everything. We overanalyze, and don’t speak our minds. Instead we let every small minor detail fester in our brains until we end up exploding word vomit and ruining every ounce of potential that the relationship could’ve had. When did lying and being a little too “subtle” become the social norm? I’m not complaining here, asking strictly out of curiosity. It’s almost as if playing the game has become the entire relationship or fling itself.

There’s always that “what if” going through your head, and I guess in a way it’s kind of a good thing. It keeps us on our toes, constantly wanting to improve and be a better person than who we were before we met our significant other.

It’s exciting, and scary as all hell, but it also gives us an experience we may not have had before, had it not been this way.

There’s always a song (or in my case about ten), for every person/potential relationship that comes into our lives. A certain song that the lyrics practically speak the relationship/fling itself, without you even trying to connect it. What I’m trying to get at here I guess is: if you really feel it deep down in your bones, and I’m talking the anxiety that hits you right in the soles of your feet, and the instant shaking that comes with it every time you listen to that song, think of that certain person, or pass a place you both loved, don’t fight that intuition. If something feels like it’s there, and something doesn’t feel right when things aren’t the same as they were before, you fight like hell to get what and who you really want. If you can’t ignore that feeling, and there’s something telling you there is something deeper there, you fight until you can’t get up off the ground anymore. The feeling is MEANT to be there.

If there is anything I’ve learned these past two years, it’s that you don’t just give up or potentially let someone slide on by. If you want your own kind of fairytale one day, you don’t just give up on a connection. You fight for it tooth and nail until there’s nothing left in you. Suck your pride up, and let your guard down. We waste too much time protecting ourselves from something that isn’t even a threat. Once you do that, and learn to love yourself despite every flaw and emotional scar you have, the rest kind of just falls into place. Fight for the fairytale, it does exist if you look hard enough.