The funny thing is, on the bad days, you can look in the mirror and see the same girl you see staring back at you on the good days. On the bad days, you can look in the mirror and still see a girl with perfect makeup; winged eyeliner and rosy lips. You still see a girl wearing a cute top paired with dark wash jeans, with her hair straightened and delicate pearls in her ears. You can look in that mirror and see the same girl, whether you’re having the best day of your life or whether you’re literally ripping apart at the seams. Even when your heart is aching and your eyes are glimmering with silent tears, the same put together girl stares back at you. The same girl shows up, deceiving the world, but not deceiving you.
No one but you knows the truth… not unless you tell them, at least. No one knows how hurt you are, or how empty you feel. They just see a pretty girl with perfect hair and perfect make up. No one but you looks closely enough to see the shadows under your eyes. No one but you senses the extra effort you put into just smiling at your coworker or typing out a simple text message response to your best friend. No one but you know that you slept for only three hours the night before, or that it took almost everything out of you to leave the cozy nest of pillows in your bed. No one knows but you.
Yet here you are. Here you are showing up. Here you are showing up in your on point outfit with a fake smile painted across your face. Here you are showing up despite how crappy you feel on the inside, and despite how much anxiety is eating away at you. Here you are showing up even though your heart and your body are completely drained of energy and life. Here you are showing up despite how much you want to disappear back into the cozy, dark, solace of your lonely bedroom. Here you are showing up, upset and insecure, lonely and anxious. Here you are showing up despite it all.
You may not feel like you have accomplished anything just by showing up. You might feel completely defeated and weak for wanting to cry when all you are doing is going to work.
You might feel ashamed of how much effort it took for you to get out of bed this morning. You might feel anxious about feeling anxious, or embarrassed about feeling so down. You might feel depressed about being depressed. And you might feel miserable and sad. Hopelessly sad. And all you want to do is leave. All you want to do is go home and hide from it all. Hide from the misery, hide from the shame. Hide from the pressure that’s making you feel as though your mind is going to implode.
But here you are. You did show up. You did get out of bed. So you are by no means defeated. You are by no means weak. And you have nothing to be ashamed or humiliated by. You have no reason to feel weak because of how sad or scared or alone you may feel. And you should not blame yourself for feeling any of these feelings. These feelings are real. But they are temporary. And feeling them and still rising up means that you are ridiculously strong. You are feeling these heartbreaking feelings and still putting yourself out there. You are feeling the feelings and still taking a step forward, out of bed, into the world. And that, you should be exceptionally proud of.
Showing up is a huge feat. Showing up is an immense act of pure courage, an act of a courageous heart. Showing up when you feel like crying from exhaustion means that you are strong as hell. Showing up means that you are braver than you know. Even though it is hard, even though it might be one of the hardest days of your life, you still made it.
And making it this far means that somewhere, deep down inside of you, is hope. Hope for something better to come your way…hope for better days. Hope for days free of depression. Hope for days free of loneliness. It’s there, it’s inside of you. Or else you wouldn’t have gotten out of bed.
So if you showed up, if you got out of bed, you should know that better things are coming. Better days are ahead. Days in which you can look at the girl in the mirror and see a genuine smile. Days in which the reflection in the mirror isn’t hiding so much pain, days in which the girl in the mirror isn’t deceiving the world. Days in which the girl in the mirror is finally okay.