Jealousy is one of those feelings that eat away at us. It brings in toxic energy and leaves a bad taste in our mouth. It’s clearly an uncomfortable feeling, and it often makes us feel very insecure about ourselves. But we definitely can’t deny the fact that we all get jealous, as it’s a normal human feeling. I have a secret to share with you, though. The truth is, we don’t need to feel badly about ourselves for feeling jealous.
Sometimes we see people doing really spectacular things, and rather than celebrating them, our immediate thought is that we are failing. And we wonder, maybe I should be doing that. Or wow, I wish I could be more like that. And then we feel bitter, and sometimes resentment towards the person we are feeling envious of. And then we feel bad for feeling bitter. It’s a never-ending loop.
And, usually, when the jealousy does it, we don’t know how to deal with it so we try to push it back down, deep inside of us. We quickly try to hide our jealousy and pretend that we are fine, and it’s no big deal. We shut down Facebook or Instagram or whatever was triggering us, and try to move on. But no matter how hard we try to suppress the jealousy, we usually only end up feeling worse. Because that bitterness is pestering our subconscious. And believe me, when we try to push something down, it always ends up coming back up in an even worse way.
So what can we do exactly, to feel better when we are feeling jealous?
So listen: you don’t actually need to feel those uneasy, unwanted jealous vibes. You don’t have to experience them through a negative lens.
The process involves transforming your jealousy from negative energy into positive energy. Instead of allowing jealousy to be negative energy, holding you down and bringing out your deepest insecurities, think of jealousy as simply desire. And there’s nothing wrong with desire. There’s nothing wrong with identifying something that you want.
When you start seeing jealousy as desire, it can act as a motivator for you. It can be your drive. And then when you see someone else doing something that you wish you were doing, you can realize that maybe this is an important moment for you. Maybe you are realizing something that you are called to do! Maybe you are realizing that you really want something that you never even realized you wanted before now.
Another consideration to take into account is determining why you are feeling jealous. So let’s think through it. Are you jealous of your best friend’s new job? Are you jealous of your sister or brother’s relationship? Why? Are you jealous of the way your friend goes out all the time and looks hot in all of her Instagram pictures? Why?
Usually, if we boil it down, jealousy isn’t often about wanting or desiring something tangible. It’s usually triggered by a feeling we have about something. If you are jealous of your best friend’s job, maybe what you are really jealous of is how happy she is at her job. If you envy your friend’s lifestyle, maybe you are feeling insecure about leading a more low key life when really you crave more adventure.
Once you identify what it is that you desire, or want, you can start planning how to make it happen. You can put your intentions into action. And this may start with small steps, or it may mean completely uphauling your life! You never know. The key is to be open to the jealousy, then to transform it into desire, and then to determine what it truly is that you feel like you need in your own life.
Jealousy can actually be a pretty powerful motivator if you know what to do with it. When you view it as desire, instead of suppressing it, it can transform into a feeling that really encourages you to self-reflect, and it can even help you to discover new facets of yourself. It may even lead to you making crucial changes to how you are living your life.
Next time you are feeling jealous, try not to beat yourself up for it, yet also try not to avoid the feeling. You never need to feel guilty or insecure for envying someone else’s life. You never have to feel guilty for desiring something. Desires are how we grow and change. So rather than suppressing the feeling, pay attention to what you need in your life, and remember that there’s space for all of us to find happiness, and room for all of us to go after what we desire.