I know you are waiting for your phone to light up with a new message from him. I know you are one text message away from asking him to meet up, just “to talk about things.” I know you are second guessing how everything ended, wondering if maybe, just maybe, things didn’t have to end after all. I know you want to run back to him, and I know that in this moment, you think he is just what you need. But, the truth is, he’s no longer the right person for you. He’s no longer the person who will bring you comfort, or the person who will make everything okay. But he’s no longer the same person you were in love with, because you are no longer with him. And when when your relationship broke apart, you each became separate. You changed. And the break wasn’t clean enough to mend.
And right now it doesn’t feel good. I know the world feels gray and depressing. I know you feel like a thick dreary fog separates you from any hope of happiness. You don’t care about anything right now except for missing him. And I know you want to fix things, because you so badly just want to feel better. I know it’s tempting. You want to run back and be comforted with one of his bear hugs. You want just one glimpse of that familiar smile. I know you want to call him, to reach out to him. To pretend none of this happened.
But the truth is, he isn’t the one who can make you feel better. He’s no longer the one who is going to mend your heart.
Only you can put yourself back together. And even if you do run back to him, you’re not going to find what you need anymore. You’ll just relive the same ending over and over again, and deep down, you’ll know that things are different. You’ll know that you were supposed to stay apart. And in the pit of your stomach, you’ll know that your story was supposed to end.
I know how badly it hurts to want him back. But one day it won’t hurt so bad. One day you’ll actually smile when you think of that snowball fight you had that ended with both of you in a heap in the snow. One day you’ll actually smile when you remember the silly nicknames he had for you, and the way he used to laugh sweetly at your clumsiness.
But right now? Wallow. Mourn. Cry. It’s okay to feel hurt. It’s okay to feel these feelings. You need to feel them. It’s okay to let your mind wander through the memories, even though it hurts. It’s okay to wonder what if, to cry about all of the memories you thought you would still create with him.
But what you should know, deep down, is that this is what was meant to happen.
This goodbye, no matter how painful, was supposed to happen. And even though it’s over, your story still had meaning. Your cherished memories and adventures with him still make up a special part of who you are. And you will always carry these with you. You grew up with him. You learned about yourself when you were with him. You learned how to love.
I promise that you are not going to be sad forever. One day the tears will stop flowing so easily. One day you’re going to move on, and he’s going to become a bittersweet story, a story of your most magnetic love. A story of your kindest, most beautiful heartbreak. And a story of your most delicate crush.
And then one day you’ll find your forever person, and you will l be glad that you will be ready for him. You will be glad that you said goodbye right now.
You will be glad that you had your heart broken once upon a time, because it led you to something even more special.