1. If you went to a hill school, every time you hear someone say that they’re from the Bronx, your ears perk up…”oh really? I went to high school there!”
2. …until you realized that the conversation that follows is mostly just uncomfortable. No, Riverdale and the South Bronx are not the same thing.
3. All of your friends lived within 10 blocks of one another and you’ve been walking back and forth to each others apartments since you were 10.
4. Except for the one friend you had that lived in Westchester, whom you visited every time you just wanted to hang out “in the country.”
5. You were required to take Latin for 7 years…say hello to your “fun fact” for the rest of your life.
6. And whenever you meet anyone from another New York City private school, you bond by repeating phrases from Ecce Romani
7. “You took Latin too?! Sextus est puer molestus!!”
8. You went to Bar Mitzvah’s that cost more than most weddings
9. …and can still recite every line of every prayer
10. …even if you’re catholic
11. Hookah Bars were like…really cool.
12. Until they all got shut down for serving alcohol to 16 year olds.
13. In the 14 years you were in school, you yawned through assembly speakers from Rosa Parks and Oprah Winfrey to John Stewart and Steven Spielberg
14. …and thinking about that now makes you cringe with embarrassment
15. You tried to hide your shock when you got to college and your new public school friends told stories about skipping classes and bringing liquor to school
16. So you attempted to relate by telling the story of the one time that you and your best friend went Sake bombing at an overpriced Chinese restaurant during a free period in the last week of senior year
17. And that one time you skipped your French final because you were having an overwhelming sense of panic over the SAT’s and needed to call your therapist
18. You saw more celebrities at inter-school sporting events than you did at movie premieres
19. If you didn’t have a country house, you spent summers shuffling back and forth between your friends houses in East Hampton, Martha’s Vineyard and Nantucket.
20. …Which was made only slightly more difficult by the fact that you didn’t drive. Ever.
21. The eternal rivalry between Hill schools and single sex townhouse schools is a real thing.
22. Everyone that you knew in high school paid $200 for the same fake ID from Maine that they got in a smoke shop on St. Marks Place.
23. And then proceeded to use them to drink $15 margaritas and shots that lit up in flames at the Mexican restaurant two blocks away
24. You once gave Kelly Rippa a tour of your high school
25. …and Tom Cruise
26. …and that guy who caused the downfall of the New York Stock Exchange
27. You feel really left out when all of your college friends start talking about having totally out of control high school parties in their friends basements
28. Because the most similar story you have is that one time your friends dad found a 6 pack of Smirnof ice smuggled in your bag when you were coming over for a sleepover…
29. And he just laughed.
30. But that’s because you’re too embarrassed tell stories about Homecoming or Springfest
31. Which were, without fail, the two nights every year that you got in trouble with your parents.
32. When you get bored, you watch Gossip Girl and text your friends from high school about all of the inaccuracies
33. …but then make a note that you should probably go to 1OAK the next time you’re home.