1. You have a boss that speaks strictly in metaphor. “Let’s not try to boil the ocean…it’s a low hanging fruit but there are so many moving parts. Maybe we should take this offline…” WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
2.You’ve lost touch with all of your friends that work “9 to 5” because they don’t understand why you can’t get to happy hour until 7.
3. You know someone who knows someone who worked with Katherine Heigel and she really is as bitchy as you think she is.
4. On the other hand, you know someone who knows someone who worked with Jennifer Anniston. And she’s just as nice as you think she is. Vom.
5. You hear someone complain about getting 7 hours of sleep and spend the rest of the day fantasizing about what that might feel like.
6. You get overly excited when a press release that you submitted comes back without edits.
7. Okay…you did get overly excited. The one time that happened.
8. One word: Jargon. “solution oriented” “leverage” “turnkey” “best practices” “reach out” “PR-able” “scalable” SERIOUSLY, TELL ME WHAT YOU MEAN.
9. …But then you accidentally use the phrase “client ready” with one of your friends and you hate yourself a little bit inside.
10. You catch yourself proofreading the menu at Sunday brunch. “Everyone look! They didn’t use parallel construction when describing the buffet!”
11. Spoiler alert: No one else cares.
12. You’ve been asked on several occasions what it means when you #Client when you Insta a picture of yourself with your favorite snack food.
13. When your friends outside of the office send you selfies of them online shopping all day, you wonder what bill code they’re using for that.
14. You open up Us Weekly and see your favorite celeb drinking a Mountain Dew in a “candid” photo and laugh.
15. Office purging of old client products? More like CHRISTMAS
16. When people refer to your job as a “desk job,” you can’t even begin to tell them how wrong they are.
17. You’ve stopped feeling guilty about pestering reporters to cover your client and now have #nofilter when it comes to promoting them.
18. You’ve accidentally sent exciting coverage to the wrong client…and then they wanted to know why they couldn’t get the same hit.
19. Your friends are super jealous whenever you have to fly to Vegas or Miami for a one-night client event and all you can do is shake your head.
20. You FINALLY reach the weekend and come home and turn on the news and all you can think is…why isn’t my client in this story?