Donald Trump’s Not Obviously Terrible Children Almost Make Their Father Likable (Almost)

Gage Skidmore
Gage Skidmore

CLEVELAND– Crowds gathered outside the Republican National Convention to protest Donald Trump, the current Republican Candidate for President of the United States, and his now completely official nomination.

Buzzing from a raucous caucus and plagiarism allegations, protestors were near giddy with excitement for the approaching “hullabaloo”. After intently watching Donald Trump Jr. and Tiffany Trump’s speeches to cheering RNC crowds, however, 43-year-old Ken Harrington, a protestor, bicycle repairman and vegan baker, was visibly upset.

“It’s just- it was- they could’ve- fuck.” Harrington muttered, shaking his head in disbelief.

“It wasn’t racist, it wasn’t sexist, I didn’t feel unsafe. I actually kinda liked them- how fucked is that?”

After a desperately enthusiastic Google Search, Harrington’s mood worsened with confirmation that neither speech appeared to have been plagiarized.

However momentarily discouraged, Harrington was quickly revitalized as fellow protestors encouraged him with “Trump Facts,” referencing the official Republican Candidate for President of the United States’ “shotty foreign policy planning, foresight, or experience”, the majority vote-holding Republican’s “preposterous wall nonsense” and the potential future POTUS’ “fearmongering, narcissism, and perpetuation of deep-seeded national prejudice.” TC mark

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