What Your Favorite Cocktail Says About You

One of my favorite interviews of all time is a little piece I read about Cisco Adler and his assessment of what a girl’s cocktail order says about them. Sadly I cannot find this interview ANYWHERE. But why wouldn’t you trust Adler? He’s known for being a refined tastemaker–he dated Mischa Barton, wrote such memorable hits as “Corona and Lime” and “Get you Home”, has reliably greasy long hair, and is known around town as one of the sleaziest pricks in the business. Anyway, he said in the interview that girls who order vodka and cranberry probably have a UTI, babes who order beers are fat or at least will be, and chicks that order champagne are gold diggers (I wonder what Mischa orders). What a dream.

This interview got me wondering if people actually judge you by your libation of choice. Everyone loves to hark ‘you are what you eat’ but I’ve never heard anyone, other than Cisco, say ‘you are what you drink’. I hate to admit it, but Adler might be onto something. No, I’m not saying I agree with the jerk and I certainly don’t assume you have a UTI if you order a vodka cranberry (though not a bad idea if you do, thanks for the tip Cisco). Nevertheless, you really can tell a lot about the person you are with by what drinks they order. I suspect we already do it subconsciously as most adult relationships begin with going out and grabbing ‘drinks’. A lot goes into what you get when you step up to the bar. You can often immediately gather someone’s temperament, age, strength, background, style, even their work schedule–the girl ordering three martinis on a Tuesday night, for example, does not have a 9-5. Then there are those who don’t drink at all, the “I’ll have a coke” people–are they in AA? Maybe just on pills. Either way, I smell issues.

I’ve heard countless stories from friends who go out on dates with boys only to be left completely confused when their date orders a Tuttie Fruttie Strawberry Piña Colada. This always annoys me. Why can’t boys order things other than beer and whisky without being judged? The truth is cocktails are loaded social indicators. If you took a survey about the people who order beers vs. martinis I guarantee the majority would say the beer drinkers are down to earth and easy going while the martiniers are considered high maintenance and prissy. Are they right? Probably not, but like all stereotypes they come grounded in a grain of truth. For this reason, I think people often adopt their drink of choice based around the kind of message they believe the drink to convey. Men who order martinis shaken not stirred, I get it, you’re suave. Girls who order cosmos are so Sex and the City and stuck in 2005. Then the people who order champagne: look I know you’re rich, you don’t have to hit me over the head with your magnum. These are just a few examples of how it works at the bar. It can be tiresome at times having to think that what your ordering could be saying something other than ‘I’m thirsty’, but luckily for as many personalities there are in the world, there are equally as many drinks. So next time, think about what you and your company are imbibing–maybe you will find that perfect person to compliment your perfect cocktail, or maybe you will just find that deadbeat Cisco sitting beside you sipping his personal favorite: Deusch on the Rocks. TC mark

image – Wikipedia

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  • Jordan

    I’m glad you didn’t take this article in the direction the title would’ve implied.

    Anyway, drinks definitely have connotations, as much as it sucks.  I like a fruity drink as much as the next guy (or girl?) but sometimes I’ll hold off ordering some kinda pomegranate whatever for the sake of a first impression.  Ease the person into my affinity for vodka cranberries!  Worst comes to worst, pull out the ace and order a whiskey and coke.

    I try not to apply this to other people, it’s moreso for me because I understand other people DO, but you definitely get a brief mental flash of some kind of stereotype depending on whatever someone may order

    • No bai

      You’re glad this article didn’t, y’know, have a point? I was waiting on actually hearing what this biddy thinks people’s favorite cocktails say about them. That did not happen. Womp womp.

      • Jordan

        Well, usually articles that contain What [Blank] Says About You are full of either really condescending and/or really trite observations that belong in Marie Claire.  I liked that she posed the topic, the question, rather than giving some 4th grade answer to it.  She gave examples of what the stereotypes might be but mainly it was just a presentation of the topic, answer it how you will :)

        I still think this genre of article is a overdone, BUT this approach I liked a little better.

  • http://fastfoodies.org Briana

    This article:  “I read an interview I really liked. I can’t find it anywhere, so I can’t link you to it. Instead, I will just talk semi-vaguely about the topic of the interview although the title of this article suggested it would be, like, one of those articles with bold headers and then three-sentence descriptions, and everyone who wants a semi-mindless read about what their order of a g&t says about them is going to be shit-fuck disappointed.”

    • Shwax

      Certainly what I anticipated.  This topic had potential but there’s barely any original thought given.  The only thing that was actually said was that people judge others based on what kind of drinks they order, with no depth.

    • Eve

      Wow… Why did you read this article and then take the time to make this ridiculous comment if it was so terrible, you pompous prick.

  • http://twitter.com/lukebourassa Luke Bourassa

    Manhattan on the rocks.

  • _|_

    poorly written. empty of interesting conclusions/observations. too bad.

  • thatdouche

    You spelled ‘douche’ wrong.

  • Mr Shankly

    Those two bubbles in the picture of the cocktail are really irritating me.

  • Erik

    “You can tell things about someone based on what they drink. No wait, you can’t. But you can, kind of. Although, not really, if you think about it. Still, I think you can sort of tell things about people if you know what they order at a bar. I mean, kind of.”

  • Stefan

    I wonder what the world thinks of my affinity for long islands…

    • Childeharr

      Who would develop an affinity for Long Island?  Nothing ever happens on Long Island.

      (This is a joke, by the way)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Timberman/922794 Steven Timberman

    It’s fucking cocktails. Sometime I WANT the 4th grade answer to it. And you know what? 

    Generally beer drinkers ARE more down to earth than martini drinkers. 
    That guy proudly ordering a case of PBR even though you just saw him snort a line last night? Yeah, he’s a total hipster d-bag.

    Perceptions matter, y’all.

    (The y’all indicates that I am presumably ‘relaxed’ and ‘casual’ in my correspondence. See?)

  • Anonymous

    if a guy is ordering a martini shaken not stirred, he’s an idiot, not suave. unless it’s a vodka martini, which is pointless anyway.

  • es

    recently men in bars have been asking me what i am drinking and instead of then sitting and judging they try and TAKE A SIP WHAT IS GOING ON WHY why do you assume that i want your cooties we live in new york do you understand how much this drink cost you are a grown man stop pretending you’ve never tried a vodka tonic

  • http://twitter.com/jemmehlee Jamie ❤ 。◕

    what happened to ordering something you feel like drinking?

  • http://ydek.tumblr.com joecastagna

    I differentially judge people a little bit by what they order. It’s mostly if they are aware of their surroundings. 

    If i’m at a cheap bar, it’s totally acceptable to order a PBR or a Vodka cran those are just standard, for a standard cheap bar. If some girl orderes a crazy top shelf drink at a low key bar, i tend to think they are showing off, or to rich for my blood. 

    If you’re somewhere classy, like nice hotel’s bar and someone orders a Makers on the rocks or something like that, it’s fine because your obviously somewhere you should be throwing down some coin. If you order a Bud Light, you suck. 

    In-fact 

    Bud Light anywhere at anytime = boring as hell, does not know how to drink, might be 19. 

    Mattering on the night and where I’m at I go with 

    Beer, PBR or Dales Pale Ale mattering on how heavy my wallet is feeling. 
    G&T with an extra lime. Manhattan on the rocks, limit of two.

  • http://maxwellchance.wordpress.com Duke Holland of Gishmale

    What’s your drink? Angry McAngst Angry with a twist of Bitchy? 

  • Anonymous

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  • Anonymous

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  • kat
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