One of my favorite interviews of all time is a little piece I read about Cisco Adler and his assessment of what a girl’s cocktail order says about them. Sadly I cannot find this interview ANYWHERE. But why wouldn’t you trust Adler? He’s known for being a refined tastemaker–he dated Mischa Barton, wrote such memorable hits as “Corona and Lime” and “Get you Home”, has reliably greasy long hair, and is known around town as one of the sleaziest pricks in the business. Anyway, he said in the interview that girls who order vodka and cranberry probably have a UTI, babes who order beers are fat or at least will be, and chicks that order champagne are gold diggers (I wonder what Mischa orders). What a dream.
This interview got me wondering if people actually judge you by your libation of choice. Everyone loves to hark ‘you are what you eat’ but I’ve never heard anyone, other than Cisco, say ‘you are what you drink’. I hate to admit it, but Adler might be onto something. No, I’m not saying I agree with the jerk and I certainly don’t assume you have a UTI if you order a vodka cranberry (though not a bad idea if you do, thanks for the tip Cisco). Nevertheless, you really can tell a lot about the person you are with by what drinks they order. I suspect we already do it subconsciously as most adult relationships begin with going out and grabbing ‘drinks’. A lot goes into what you get when you step up to the bar. You can often immediately gather someone’s temperament, age, strength, background, style, even their work schedule–the girl ordering three martinis on a Tuesday night, for example, does not have a 9-5. Then there are those who don’t drink at all, the “I’ll have a coke” people–are they in AA? Maybe just on pills. Either way, I smell issues.
I’ve heard countless stories from friends who go out on dates with boys only to be left completely confused when their date orders a Tuttie Fruttie Strawberry Piña Colada. This always annoys me. Why can’t boys order things other than beer and whisky without being judged? The truth is cocktails are loaded social indicators. If you took a survey about the people who order beers vs. martinis I guarantee the majority would say the beer drinkers are down to earth and easy going while the martiniers are considered high maintenance and prissy. Are they right? Probably not, but like all stereotypes they come grounded in a grain of truth. For this reason, I think people often adopt their drink of choice based around the kind of message they believe the drink to convey. Men who order martinis shaken not stirred, I get it, you’re suave. Girls who order cosmos are so Sex and the City and stuck in 2005. Then the people who order champagne: look I know you’re rich, you don’t have to hit me over the head with your magnum. These are just a few examples of how it works at the bar. It can be tiresome at times having to think that what your ordering could be saying something other than ‘I’m thirsty’, but luckily for as many personalities there are in the world, there are equally as many drinks. So next time, think about what you and your company are imbibing–maybe you will find that perfect person to compliment your perfect cocktail, or maybe you will just find that deadbeat Cisco sitting beside you sipping his personal favorite: Deusch on the Rocks.