Cody Delistraty

Don’t even think about taking the girl you love to Paris or Rome or London or somewhere beautiful and far away.

It’s a way to prove our masculinity and it’s just as biological as the sexual drive that led us to that woman in the first place. Essentially, it’s a way to say, I’m a more qualified mate than you.

Anytime we’re being served, whether it’s at a restaurant, department store, or at Starbucks, the way we treat those who are serving us speaks loads about our character.

Never use jargon words like reconceptualize, demassification, attitudinally, judgmentally. They are hallmarks of a pretentious ass.

Nothing keeps you as anxious as feeling like you need to constantly spend money.

Thirty minutes of Mendelssohn or one dose of Valium? It’s your pick because, according to a study at the University of Baltimore, both the music and the drug have the same anti-anxiety benefits for heart patients.

Now before you go thinking that I’m some horribly calculating automaton, first stop and think about how beneficial this kind of universal self-centeredness is.

A sort of 1984 for the Amazon.com generation, DFW’s over-a-thousand-pages opus deals with the state of a world that’s entirely steeped in advertising and consumerism.