I married my now ex-husband when my experience with long-term relationships was…zero. My young and inexperienced self thought that once he and I said our vows, we were automatically guaranteed to stay together till the end of our lives. Divorce? Never crossed my mind. Divorce happened to “other people.”
At the time, I didn’t know I had signed up for the most heart-wrenching years of my life. However, I don’t look at the past with regret or sadness. In fact, I choose to view my experience as an incredible opportunity to become a better person and to connect with the extraordinary life I know I deserve.
My experience has also allowed me to help others, so now I’d like to share with you five “secrets” I learned to create the joyful, loving, and long-lasting relationship you desire.
1. Detach from your partner.
I used to let my happiness be dependent on my husband’s words and behaviors, which created unnecessary stress in my life.
Detaching means to proclaim emotional independence from external circumstances, including the way those around you think and act. When you detach, you still love and care, but you realize that everyone is entitled to his or her own choices.
A detached person is someone who is connected to authentic happiness, which is sexy and attractive to other people.
2. Show your appreciation.
As years go by, you might start to take your partner for granted. You might also assume your partner knows you are grateful for his contribution to the household or to the relationship. Truth is, expressing a word of thanks can make a huge difference in your partner’s perception of the relationship.
Would you rather be with someone who tells you how wonderful you are or with someone who ignores you? Be the person you would want to be with.
At the beginning of each day, you and your partner renew the choice to be together. Your partner is giving you his most precious gift: his time on Earth. Tell him how blessed you feel for being the recipient of this gift.
3. Spend time on your own doing the things you love.
My husband’s multiple activities didn’t leave much time for us to spend time together. To solve the problem, I decided to work my schedule around his and spend all my free moments with him, often doing what he preferred to do. He didn’t seem to appreciate my efforts, and as a result, I grew resentful.
Pursue activities that bring you joy on your own or with your friends, and trust that if you are with aperson who truly loves you, he will love you even more for showing that you care about yourself.
Your experiences apart from your partner will enrich your interactions with him, and your inner feeling of balance will allow you to bring more joy to the relationship.
4. Become independent of the good opinion of your partner.
This means to be authentic in front of him, and to not feel that you need to measure up to self-imposed standards of the perfect-girlfriend or the perfect-wife.
When something bothers you, speak up! When you need something, speak up as well! Don’t expect your partner to be a mind-reader. A person who is ready to be in a committed relationship will welcome your authenticity.
Your vulnerability will prompt your partner to let his true self come through, and you’ll experience deeper connection and intimacy.
5. Choose to change your perspective about your partner’s shortcomings.
Quantum physics and the Law of Attraction teach us that changing our expectations leads to different outcomes.
Expect a loving, happy, and long-lasting relationship. Instead of placing your attention on the annoying behaviors of your partner, focus on how the relationship meets your core values. In my case, I deeply value love, happiness, honesty, and respect, and these are the traits I expect to find in my relationships.
Choosing a different point of view can transform your entire experience of any relationship. As Dr. Wayne Dyer always says, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
Above all, and whether you are in a relationship or not, remember to offer unconditional love to yourself and to treasure the magnificent being that you are!