1. You start to count off the months and years since they’ve passed the same way you once used to count their birthdays.
2. No matter what “rational thinking” tells you, you still expect them to come back one day, to walk through the door and say that they were just gone for a little while and they’re back now.
3. You actually make up entire scenarios based off of this, what you would do, what you would say if they ever came back.
4. You find some way to blame yourself for their death. “Maybe if I had been a better daughter,” “maybe if I took care of her better or was at home more.”
5. You will be completely torn some days and nothing will make it better. You just have to wait it out and have some amazing friends who will listen.
6. You will stay in bed more than you’d like to admit. It’s just easier to cry that way.
7. You will spend entire days in bed, actually.
8. You will want to punch people in the face for complaining about their
petty little lives. “I lost my mom; tell me how hard your life is again?”
9. Telling someone of their passing never gets easier or any less awkward. People’s pity is such an awkward thing to handle.
10. The words “I’m sorry” won’t hold any meaning anymore. There is no way you’re sorry about my loss if you barely know me. You have no idea what I went through or how I feel. You don’t care, and you don’t want anyone putting a damper on your life by dealing with my grief.
11. People are heartless.
12. But some people actually do care and would do anything to make you feel better.
13. You won’t be afraid of things like cemeteries or coffins anymore; it’s a part of your everyday life now.
14. You won’t be afraid of almost anything anymore. You’ve already been through hell.
15. You will either be completely broken by this, or you’ll become so strong that nothing will break you anymore.