We are supposed to be happy during our birthdays, but I feel the other way around. I don’t know how the switch took place, and I can’t remember any moment in my life that triggered the switch, or maybe it’s my whole life itself that puts me in this place. Birthdays are now depressing.
It’s like I’m obligated to feel very special, needs to rejoice, and be very thankful for what life has given me when my current situation isn’t in a good state. I’m a mess and there’s nothing particularly great to celebrate my life.
I can’t be happy on my birthday with disappointments. I am disappointed with how little my life has changed in the past years. I am disappointed with getting into this age yet hasn’t accomplished big in my life. I feel sad about how many bad relationships I faced over the past years, and now still alone hoping for the right person. I have a few significant persons in my life but I want that one person where I can celebrate any day.
I know I should be happy since everyone around is. They’re all busy making sure I should be happy. But I am not, and will never be happy about birthdays. My birthday is a painful reminder of the things I decided to achieve last year but failed to do so. It’s a whisper in my head telling myself that I didn’t work hard enough. It is a facepalm notice that I had broken my promises last year, and that made me not to trust myself even more.
It was my birthday last month and turned 27. But I am more depressed. The quarter-life crisis has got me, and it’s worsening over the years. I need a fix. How can we manage and recover from birthday blues?