I’d like to tell you that I’ve moved on and we could be friends again but I would be lying to myself. You still drift through my mind on occasions. I wonder how you’re doing, where you are or if you are in love with someone else. A part of me wants to pick my phone up to text you, to call you, to tell you that I missed you so dearly and that I’m thinking about you. I wonder if there are moments if you’re doing the same – but to only hold back knowing that you shouldn’t.
I wonder if it is killing you like it is killing me.
Each time it happens, my heart literally aches and I turn breathless.
I never know what to do when I’m reminded of you.
I don’t know if you have moved on. I don’t know if you’re seeing another girl. I wish you aren’t. But even if you are, I hope that you miss me.
I’m not out of this relationship, I’m in. I’m so in and it is so humiliating to be begging you, to be asking you to choose me.
If you have a new girl, I’m sure she’s really great. She might share the same burning passion of gym with you. She might have a lot more similarities with you than I do. She perhaps could have made you feel rejuvenated and healed of all the wounds left behind. She might be prettier than me. But you’ll never find another me. I love you.
And I love you in a really, really big kind of way that I don’t even know how to write it. Regardless, I hope in your heart you know how much I love you.
And how much we both once loved.
I hope that in the middle of your small talks with her, you remember me. I hope you remember the first time we kissed. I hope you remember the nights I snuck in your house to sleepover after a night of partying. I hope you remember how I like to sleep at night, with my whole body pressed forward, pushing you towards the other end of the bed.
I hope you remember the times spent in the kitchen making ugly pancakes. I hope you remember how I go into a frenzy when I see cats. I hope you remember the silly face I made when you said that I was pretty. I hope you remember the times I took your breath away. I hope you remember my silliness on days that you’re down. And I still hope that you remember all our talks about our future together.
I hope you will never forget the feeling of me in your heart and the magic of us.
I want you to choose me. I want you to tell me that it was me all along. I want you to hold my hand. I want to be able to hug you and bury my head in your chest.
I want you to be overprotective of me. I want you to tell me you love me and mean it. I want to be the one you can’t get out of your head. I want the meaningless fights. I want the wasted weekends we spend together in bed lazing away.
I want it all.
I want to be the one you want.
I want you to want me instead of her.
I want you to choose me.
Pick me. Choose me. Love me.