Losing people is part and parcel of life, despite the number of times it recurs, it will never become a “I got used to it” kind of thing. It’s an excruciating experience; full of pain and agony, combined with a mixture of emotions.
Isn’t it sad? Sad how good things never last.
But I was glad it didn’t.
After the initial shock of the break up, I was sad, naturally. I didn’t eat. I faked a smile just to avoid questions from anyone. I worked out incessantly to try and feel something again. I was in this weird state of feeling so many emotions all at once but at the same time feeling absolutely nothing.
I missed you and wanted you. Badly. I cried every single day, on some occasions, multiple times.
I hid in the room all day long, laying on my bed thinking of the blurry 14 months we spent together.
I remembered how I flew into a rage when I discovered that you was still in contact with your ex. And you promised to never speak to her again.
Too many a time, I caught you texting girls flirtatiously and even late into the night. I was filled with so much jealously and could not understand what they had to offer you in which I couldn’t. But you promised to be change and be more considerate of my feelings.
You always had time for everything else but never me. Whenever I initiate a date, you would either brush me off or cancel them at the very last minute. When we were out, you were always more interested in making out or should I say what was between my legs.
You took ages to reply my text even though you weren’t busy because you was so engrossed with your silly games. When I voiced out, you promised to spend lesser time on your games and more with me.
But you never fulfilled any of the promises you made. Despite all that you’ve done, I never stopped loving you and continued giving in to your ways. People told me about the flames but I couldn’t see the smoke. I always convince myself that this rough patch would soon be over and that you will indeed change for the better.
But you ended up breaking up with me because you fell in love with another girl. Whom was attached.
Months after the break up, I met someone new on a school trip. You were upset and claimed that ‘I brought another man back’ when we both had already gone separate ways. Realizing the past was all a mistake, you decided to mend your ways and woo me back into your arms. But I was reluctant to. It wasn’t because I found someone else, but rather I had started finding myself.
I had been looking back and reflecting on our relationship. It was then that I saw all of the flaws, all of the things I ignored and I didn’t think about. I realized there are things we can’t overlook, certain things that are necessary in relationships which you and I didn’t have for each other.
And as strange as it sounds, thank you for breaking my heart. As much as it sucked, and as hurt I was, I came out of it a lot more stronger than I ever knew I could be. Thank you for teaching me that I shouldn’t hold on to someone just because it feels comfortable and that I deserved better. And thank you for the break up, you showed me the importance of knowing what you want when it comes to choosing the person you want to spend your life with.
This whole ordeal has solidified my belief that everything happens for a reason and the universe works in ways in which we don’t understand sometimes but it all turns out for the best.