Look, I get it that a lot of women (and men) are into hooking up and “casual sexual relationships” and all that, but I’m not.
I’ve always been into relationships and lucky for me, I’ve almost always had my desires for a relationship reciprocated by the man I’m into. Unfortunately, some of my friends aren’t so lucky. They go out looking for love and instead get lots of booty calls or they end up in dead end flings. I find it strange, because most of my female friends are incredibly talented, beautiful and driven women… what could they possibly be doing wrong?
Well, after hearing my friends’ sob stories over and over again and eventually doing a little detective work (which included long talks with my male friends and a few social experiments), I’ve come to the conclusion that while these women are certainly relationship material, they are making some fatal errors on their path to attracting a boyfriend. I will certainly sound like a mom throughout what you’re about to read and some of it might be hard to hear, but- without further ado, here are 6 reasons why you’re a “one night stand.” May this help you on your path to finding true love.
1. You Dress Up: When you go out you look like a five year old who got into her mother’s make-up drawer.
If you don’t typically wear a ton of make-up or have a “girly-girl” style, don’t pretend that you do when you go out. There are many reasons why this is a stupid idea, but the top two are #1- You’re going to look stupid walking in heels- possibly hurting yourself and #2- You’re going to attract men who aren’t your type- therefore not dating material.
Pro Tip: Dress how you normally dress when going out and try a more natural look if possible. I’m not saying don’t “dress up,” but dress up in a way that speaks to who you truly are- not a version of yourself that you think men will find more attractive. I met a boyfriend of 3 years in biker shorts and a really great catch while wearing a cut-off sweatshirt. The girls in designer shoes and dresses went home alone. I went home with a text from my future boyfriend.
2. You Text Like “One of the Guys:” After you get his number you text him super casually… maybe too casually.
You say things like “Yo dude, what’s up? Wanna have a beer?” or “What up?” or “Bro…….” I actually don’t exactly know what you’re texting him, because I don’t ever send texts like that- but I do know that by texting him like that you’re subconsciously telling him you’re “one of the guys” or that you truly are “super casual” about everything… not just texting.
Pro Tip: Be a lady. Tell him how great of a time you had meeting him and that you would like to see him again. Don’t act too cool. By acting too cool you’ll give him the idea that you aren’t interested in being serious and if you don’t show that interest you could easily turn into a one night stand or a friend with benefits.
3. You Never Communicated What You Want: You let him run the show and never ever mentioned you were interested in more than just “wanting to have fun.”
Again, you were trying to be casual, because every woman knows that “guys love it when women are casual.”
Pro Tip: Don’t be stupid. Don’t pretend you don’t want something that you actually want. Some men (perhaps one could say most men) will take sex when they can get it- especially with a beautiful woman. Remember- men can’t read minds. If you want something you need to ask for it and if you don’t want to get hurt it’s better to know in advance where you stand in a man’s heart. So ask. It’s better to be let down early before you’ve lost any of your dignity, rather than later when he’s telling you ” You shouldn’t let men use you for sex.” Which was what one of my best friends had to hear from some awful dude.
4. You Fell For Flattery: He told you you were beautiful and he told you you were the sexiest woman he’s ever seen.
His flattery led to your shirt coming off and his hand up your skirt and suddenly you’re making wild love and everything is perfect until 8 days later when you’re still waiting for him to return your text…
Pro Tip: Again, the dude has no obligation to text you. You were never “dating” and he was never interested in you. It was most likely just a drunken night where the two of you were fooling around and one thing led to another. Never mistake a drunken night of fun for real interest. Some people are lonely and curious, but having sex with you doesn’t mean anyone has any obligation to continue fulfilling your needs nor does it mean they will continue to get their fix from you.
5. You Slept With Him Too Soon: His flattery wore you down, he responded to all of your casual hang texts and one and a half dates in you’re fucking him on the living room floor.
The sex is so good that this continues for weeks until a month and a half in when he meets me at a bar and says “Oh her? She’s just a friend with benefits. You… you’re definitely someone I could actually be serious about.”
Pro Tip: Why would that dude be serious about me but not you? Good question. It’s because when you don’t promise sex, but are open about your sexuality men will not expect sex from you, but be curious about it instead. This shifts the focus away from getting to know you sexually and towards getting to know you in other ways that don’t involve sex- at least for the moment. This is awesome, because it helps to weed out people that you really have no business being with. It also keeps you from unnecessary heartache, as you don’t get as many emotions wrapped up in someone who doesn’t deserve your tears. Hold off on sex until you know you really like someone or see potential in the relationship and that man will have more respect for you- even if he is initially frustrated or confused. Trust me!
6. You Met Him at Bar Close: You really have to be aware of when and how you meet men.
The circumstances are so critical that sometimes I just shake my head and sigh when my friends ask me if they think a guy likes them. If a guy meets you at bar close he’s probably a- drunk or b- horny or duh he’s most likely c- drunk and horny. Again- don’t mistake the flattery for real attraction. Unless you both were sober and slowly got drunk and stayed drunk until bar close together he’s probably just drunk and horny. I’m a woman and I’ve made out with a ton of people at the end of the night and I’m not at all proud of those moments and I will tell you I’ve only wanted to date 2 or 3 of the people I’ve kissed under those circumstances.
Pro Tip: Unless a sort of spiritual connection is made before bar close- don’t go home with some random guy and if you do- do the following: Tell the guy you’ll go home with him and that you like him, but you won’t sleep with him. Stay up all night chatting, making out, having fun and sleep next to each other, refraining from anything too crazy sexual. If you’re lucky the next day he’ll invite you to brunch and still want to get to know you. If not, you have your answer- he’s probably not that into you and you’ve wasted hardly any of your time or emotions.
Good luck ladies!