Ashley was a really good friend of mine. We lived together for a long time and during that time she was a horrible mess. She was the type of roommate that would break into tears if someone accidentally chipped one of her coffee mugs. She was also the type to come home after a drunken night yelling at me that she was going to kill herself. I felt an intense need to help Ashley so I spent my afternoons teaching her how to read tarot cards, deepen her meditation rituals and create “manifestation” lists for herself.
Ashley was going through a really rough break-up at the time. The guy she was letting go of had cheated on her and she had strongly felt that he was “the one.” She couldn’t help but pick up the phone and call him on any given bad day and she was littered with many of them. At first her family members started dying, then her pets did too. She got demoted and her hair started thinning. She was a wreck, but I kept the positive activities coming since I was one of her closest friends at the time.
One night after a 20 minute meditation together in the attic I told Ashley to do something out of the ordinary. I asked her to get out a notebook and write “My Perfect Man” at the top of a page. I asked her to write down all of the things she was looking for in a man instead of focusing on all of the things she was missing from her past relationship and to also get her mind off of the tragedy in her life. Afterwards, I told her to review the list and recognize some aspects that she might instead start to look for in herself- developing them if they were currently lacking. I told her to put the list somewhere safe and not open it for a few months, that the act of writing the list meant that she no longer had to waste mental energy obsessing over finding her dream man- the universe would do it for her.
I didn’t talk to Ashley for many months after that day. We fell apart and as her life got increasingly more desperate she became more and more withdrawn. A few months later a moment of fate struck and we ended up sharing the same flight to NYC. Ashley was so excited to see me. Her life had completely turned around. She had a new job, she was a yoga instructor and she was madly in love. I asked her who the guy was and the first thing she said was- “The guy from the list. Thank you for making me do that.” I was happy for her and honestly, a little shocked that my little activity had brought so much to my friend’s life.
I have given this exercise to a few of my other girl friends and the same thing has happened. One of them met whom she thinks is her “twin flame” (a new-age term to describe your literal soul-half whereas a soulmate is just a karmically tied relationship within which you re-balance karma), whereas another most recently met a man who is absolutely everything on her list and whom with she is inseparable.
Creating “manifestation lists” is akin to the silliness of a vision board or a Core Power yoga mantra, but done within the right framework it can really help to re-align your focus and stop obsessive habits that keep us from what we really want.
Also, the act of writing down what we “think” we want can help us to hone in on holes in our beliefs. Whenever I help friends complete this exercise I make sure they are wording the qualities they are looking for in the right way. Do they want a man who is rich or a man who is generous? Those are two different things. They could end up with a stingy, wealthy man who keeps them far from the luxury of his personal life. Do they want a guy who is well-endowed or a guy that is excellent at pleasing them? Maybe they want both, but being as specific as possible really helps to see why you want the things you want and if those things are superficial or petty. The goal is to finally come to a deeper understanding of the qualities in an eventual partner that are actually beneficial to you. This requires letting go of what you “think” you want or what other people have told you you want. You’d be amazed at how many people have deluded themselves and missed out on beautiful opportunities for healthy relationships because they haven’t taken the time to know themselves. You truly have to know how to listen to your heart when it comes to finding real love.
If you are single, try doing this activity before Valentine’s Day. Set aside some time to create your own list- whether you are male or female. Really ask yourself “Why?” after writing down each quality and once finished, set your list aside and focus on yourself. It has worked for plenty of my friends and maybe it will work for you too.