I know how long you’ve been dealing with this and I know how much you want to keep on going even if it’s already killing you inside, even if it already left countless scars in your heart. I know how much you wanted to end all the grief, hurt, misery and sorrow in your life, like there’s an endless war inside your fragile heart that continuously tearing your heart and soul into pieces.
I know how you try so hard to pull away back the tears from your eyes every single day, and hoping you won’t remember any awful memories that might cause your tears to fall from your hazy eyes and break your heart once again. And when they fall, I know you secretly hide yourself from them to wipe all the tears and be back to normal again like you’ve never cried so hard a few minutes ago.
I know exactly how you feel when you prepare yourself to sleep, when you remove the mask on your face that you used to hide all the heartache and agony and undress yourself from the costume you wore the whole day to pretend you’re fine; and then there’s your endless chaotic damned thoughts again that will haunt you until you fall asleep.
I know you feel exhausted when you wake up in the morning because of the nightmares you had from last night. I know how it feels to lose the trust you had to yourself, you always have doubts and fears. I know how strong is your eagerness to make them proud, to make them brag about you but you still end up disappointing them.
I know that sometimes you feel that you’re not good enough, that your efforts are useless, that your words may feel like they’re meaningless. I know exactly how it feels when you suddenly stopped from doing something and just breaks down and cry because of a resentful memory that just popped in your mind and it recalled the miserable experiences you had from your past which made you lose your track.
I know it’s hard to forget someone who broke your heart and left you for no reason that causes you so hard to build up your trust again to anyone, thinking that they might do the same thing that happened to you 9 months ago.
I know you are afraid to talk to someone, open up to someone, cry yourself out to someone, and burst the shit out to someone. Because you know in the end, they’ll just turn it into a joke.
I know how life is being cruel to you. I know the feeling of being alone in the shadows. I know that you feel that worst is yet to come. I perfectly know how it feels. I know exactly how this goes.
But I also want you to know that you are not alone and you indeed can get through this. I know you’ll certainly survive this. I know you’ll get what you deserve, you deserve freedom from all the misery and pain life is bringing you. I know that worst days are yet to come but it won’t last forever. I know for sure that someday, somehow, somewhere you will find happiness and peace in your heart.
And this life will be worth living again.