Thoughts That Keep Me Up Past 2 AM

Thoughts That Keep Me Up Past 2 AM
God & Man

Usually I shut my eyes off at 11 p.m., but lately I am having a hard time sleeping. Maybe because of stress? Depression? Anxiety? I don’t know.

I came to realize that there’s something missing in my life. But that piece is still unknown. Maybe a person? A touch? A drink? I don’t know.

I’ve been through a lot of difficulties in my life: rejections, betrayals, breakups, trust that was ruined, and an unsteady relationship with my family. All this pain that I encountered made me ask myself if I’m really worth it.

I’ve always been the saddest ones in a group full of extrovert people. Always on the side with soda on my left hand and a cigar on the other. Always anxious of everything.

It’s been years since I started writing, I am always unsure of myself, unsure of the words that I’m using. Never tried submitting a piece to any writing submissions (probably this will be the first one)

My mind is always unstable. Before I sleep there are so many random things that pops in my head. Countless problems that’s never been solved, good or painful memories.

If I seek help from others, I feel that they might think I’m not that important so I don’t deserve their help. That I should do things on my own.

Or when if there’s something wrong around me, I feel that it’s all my fault. There’s no other person to blame but me.

I couldn’t let go of the mistakes I made back then that made my family really disappointed. I feel they are slowly walking away from me.

I can’t stop blaming myself in all times.

I feel I am not worth it.

I feel I am not enough.

Whenever I’m going to open up to someone, I feel that they’re just there to listen by the ear not by the heart.

I’m losing all the confidence I had when I was free and happy. I couldn’t help myself up. I always have hesitations and fears.

I have so many troubles and pleasure running in my head and they never stopped running until I fall asleep.

Despite every trial I encountered, every tear that fell from my eyes, every heartache I endure. Here I am, still breathing.

Still thinking and dreaming after 2 a.m. falls.

It’s a phase of my life that I am really tired of repeating but leaves me in ecstasy every time somehow, for being able to see what my true self is. TC mark


More From Thought Catalog

  • theburningmoon

    Thou I do completely opposite of it.. i.e I blame others not my ownself :p but? yea, these are my 2 am thoughts. Everyday probably. This post is really relatable , I loved this. And babe? if that helps ..”books, wattpad and pinterest app” they are really good friends of 2 am people.

  • Thoughts That Keep Me Up Past 2 AM - How Self Help
  • limitlessalways

    Beautiful expression of feelings and thoughts. I can easily connect to it. i too feel this most of the time , but its a phase which will go , just need to remember you are worthy of every thing and u r unique and no one can be like you. those who cannot understand are at loss . So be happy and smile. will look forward to more of your writings.

  • Thoughts That Keep Me Up Past 2 AM |
  • Thoughts That Keep Me Up Past 2 AM |
blog comments powered by Disqus