You wouldn’t imagine what she went through. Just like a hurricane which left the city devoid, her story was so compelling that it’s ending didn’t seem real. Not to her and not to everyone who knew how that love made her whole, happy, and today a different person.
Just like how Murakami wrote about storms.
“And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
This was how she picked herself up.
When a woman gets broken she undergoes 3 phases: the broken girl, the broken lady, and the broken woman.
The broken girl.
This is the phase of denial and anger. She thinks she could hurt the one who left her by partying hard and drowning herself in all the man-made spirits and liquor that the metro could offer. She strips herself off the dignity she once had and manages her anger and grief in all the illogical ways.
She pretends to be just fine by smiling to the world in her drunken and broken state but no one is utterly convinced that someone who has given her all has already accepted the defeat, pain, and loneliness of the break up. No one really knows how long this phase lasts, but the truth is this is the most crucial phase. A broken girl who passes through this must have the strength to fight and move forward or they will forever be stuck in a world of pretenses and daily hang overs. She wears a mask so early on that even she herself doesn’t believe that everyone around her is convinced that she is holding up.
The broken lady.
After a phase of rebellion the broken girl transitions into being a broken lady. She refuses to be with the just anybody and seeks the comfort of people who understand her. She begins to seek refuge in the company of closest friends and family.
This is a phase of reopening of wounds through the personal analysis of what truly happened and while deep inside the pain is still searing and cutting her open every day, a broken lady begins to understand her own pain. It slowly becomes a period of quiet chats, more tears, and a slow acceptance of the situation. A broken lady quietly retreats from the world with the goal to understand what happened wrong, why it happened, and the purpose of losing that one person she loved.
The broken woman.
At this phase, the woman is still broken but the woman has already accepted 3 things (pain, loss, and reason). The woman understands that she needed to feel the pain and loss and understands that the ultimate reason is to learn. This is a phase when the woman starts to rebuild herself.
She picks up old habits she enjoys doing and begins daily routines that do not require the company of anyone (even her closest friends). She begins to smile without faking it.
She finds pleasure despite being in the company of friends and couples even while being alone and single. She may feel some throbbing pain from time to time but she knows that this is part of the process and she trusts it. She begins to understand that what looks good may not be totally healed, but it is one step towards the goal. The broken woman doesn’t jump on the next opportunity for a relationship. Instead, she takes her time alone and relishes the moment of loving herself and the people around her.
What the broken woman doesn’t realize is being broken allows her to realize her goals, potentials, and faith. Slowly a broken woman begins to heal to a point that she becomes whole again.
Allowing yourself to undergo through these processes teaches you to not just simply move forward, but at the same time to mold you to be a better woman for the man who was meant to break all those walls you’ve built and make you feel ready to love again.
This is how I personally picked myself up after that downfall. No matter how people judge the way I handled things no one really knows what I felt at that moment and I’m pretty sure each of you have your thoughts on how you handle a break up but I really don’t care. What’s important is I learned and became a better person after. At the end, I learned to trust God’s process even if I don’t understand it.