We live in a technological world. The internet rules. We’re so glued to our smartphones it has become our world. But it’s a false world and when we click off, it’s over… over until we click on again out of desperation to stay connected.
The internet is like a TV evangelist who offers you everything you need for your salvation. But in reality, it’s a false promise. Why? Because the world still operates on people-to-people connections–where relationships are concerned–and not on technology. It’s that spark that happens between us that not only makes things happen, it makes everything happen.
If you’re in a relationship that you found online and you’re satisfied with that–maybe even fulfilled–what I have to say is not for you. You’re the exception. This is for most of us who are still wanting to find that meaningful someone. We’re still looking but we just need help. That can begin in the New Year with the resolutions you make that will help achieve it. It won’t happen by chance. You’ve got to be proactive. You’ve got to have a plan. Resolutions are the basis of that plan.
Resolution one: Get off the internet! The internet promises you everything but robs you of the opportunity of that spark. Dating on line is simply a wishful dream of finding your perfect mate. It allows you to list the things you absolutely want in a partner. Perfection is not what relationships are about. There’s a line in the old movie ‘Picnic’: ‘We don’t fall in love with someone because they’re perfect.’ In fact, it’s the imperfections that draw us to others because we can relate to them. It’s what makes us human. So focusing on your ‘perfection list’ is a dream, not a reality, and it is fundamentally counterproductive to what you’re really looking for which is to connect with someone you can relate to. “Well,” you say, “I’ll find someone online who fits the bill, then I’ll go meet them and see if that spark happens.” It may but I personally have never met a single person who met someone online who ended up in a meaningful relationship that lasted. The odds are just too great. You have to turn your smartphone off, put it in your purse or jeans pocket and get out there for anything realistic to happen. That’s just the way it is.
Resolution two: Get out of the meat market! It stinks anyway. The only thing that happens there is one-night stands and only if you’re lucky with that. It’s a carnival show. The ones who are the flashiest or dress to dazzle your eyes get all the attention. But guess what, they don’t get what they’re looking for either if that’s a meaningful relationship. Guys are fundamentally turned on by looks. It’s in our genes. And the sexier the look, the more interested we become. But that sends us down a completely different goal path, one for a quick lay and the chance to get off. And if you’re the object of that pursuit, the only thing you’ll get is being shown to the door the following morning if you can manage to stay that long. But guys are equally turned on to someone they like being with. When they’re out in the meat market, though, that’s not what’s on their mind. Getting off is… period. The meat market is a dead end for guys, too, because it offers only expectations of getting laid and they usually end up going home by themselves and jerking off in the end. Guys serious about finding the right partners are not gonna be out there in the meat market looking for it. So why waste your time with one-night-stands that don’t lead anywhere?
Resolution three: Get into something you’re interested in! Maybe you like the arts, music, film, computers, travel, sports… whatever. That’s where you need to spend your time; not out competing in a carnival atmosphere hoping to get noticed in a throng of losers. Go somewhere you will enjoy being and where you will meet new people realistically. It’s called enjoying the process. And it’s fulfilling in its own way. Who knows, you just might meet someone there at the same time by chance. That spark might just happen for you there. And it will be because of you and not the flashy look you spent hours getting yourself ready for to try and look as sexy as you can. They’ll be interested in YOU, not some new look you grabbed out of a magazine. You get what you advertise for, and if that’s flashy or sexy, you’ll only get that in return and that’s all you’ll get.
Resolution four: Cut your odds! I read an article a while back on luck. The writers interviewed a slew of people who were considered by their peers to be ‘lucky’. They found out some amazing things. One, in particular, was that these so-called lucky people all had one thing in common: putting themselves out there. Not just out there, but out there a lot. In fact, they put themselves out there five to ten times more than the average person. So things happened for them because they were out there most of the time. They made their luck happen for them by cutting their odds. And they were there at the right time, too, because they made the right time possible. The best way to effect that is to set goals by dates. Mark your calendar not by weeks, but by realistic dates. For example, the 15th of next month. “By that date, I will have gone out to an activity I ENJOY, not because I’m going there hoping to meet someone, but because it’s something I’m really interested in. If it happens for me there, it happens. If it doesn’t, I’ll have a great time anyway because I just love that activity…” I won’t be a waste of time at some bar or speed-dating event that only ends up in total frustration. Putting your personal interests first and not your emotional desperation is definitely more productive.
Resolution five: (And this is the most important.) ‘Be the best that you can be!’ to quote the Army’s slogan. This doesn’t mean being the sexiest or the flashiest. Remember, it’s not about carnival show advertising. It’s about putting your own best foot forward. Focusing on your own strengths. So you’re not the prettiest, you’re not the best-looking and you’re sure not the hottest. People looking for relationships are not looking for that anyway. In fact, it’s a red flag. Sure, every female likes to be noticed even if it’s momentary. Every male likes to score. But in the end, that’s not going to lead anyone to anything lasting and meaningful. It’s YOU they’re looking for, not some facade that impresses or dazzles them. Have a good look at yourself, both your appearance and your personality. Are you really a person someone would feel comfortable hanging out with? Are you a real person? Makeup, cover girl hairstyles and invasive perfumes…, bulging muscles, slicked-back hair and flagrant braggadocio are not what’s going to get you what you really want which is to connect with someone you care about who cares about you in return… your ‘soul mate.’ No one’s comfortable hanging out with showy facades.
Comfortableness is the key to successful relationships. And that comfortableness is found in you alone, not in some affected look or behavior. It’s in you! You are the best thing you have going for yourself, you just don’t know it yet. Focus on that and put it out there in the right places I guarantee you, you will end up winning this game hands down. Wouldn’t that be a great New Year’s achievement?