When creating an account on a new website, you have to choose your most charming profile picture from an album called “charming profile pics,” then carefully PS it and crop it to the proper size, and make sure it shows off your best feature(s) before uploading it to the site. If the picture doesn’t look good for whatever reason, you repeat the process until the result is satisfactory.
You feel crushed when your carefully picked unique pseudonym has already been taken by someone else, and you secretly wish the “copycats” bad luck.
You spend more than 15 minutes to complete a profile, as you need to fill out every single part of it with the smallest details.
You either love or hate Disqus a lot. If you are the former, you always stick to the same account for it can prove how authoritative your voice is on the Internet. For the latter, you fear that Disqus will make you look foolish or dumb when people trace your previous comments, as if they would really check them out.
In order to stand out in the crowd, you try to make yourself look the smartest (or the other way around) by leaving the most controversial comments ever.
Before posting your comment, you have to check the dictionary to look for uncommon words, double-check your spelling and grammar, and proofread everything at least twice as if you were writing a professional article on a serious topic or an essay for your postgraduate degree.
You constantly check whether your comments / forum messages / blog posts have received “likes.” If the number of “likes” is 0, it ruins your day. To make things look better, you will like your own post or even create a new account to do so.
You actually do like your own comments / forum messages / blog posts regardless of the actual number of likes.
You secretly believe that you are an expert in the subject that you are commenting on or writing about. You have read and heard everything about it, so your opinion must be absolutely right.
When someone disapproves of your opinion, you feel awful, angry, and totally offended. To maintain your authority, you always fight back and have to prove yourself right no matter what.
You always believe that you are the first on the Internet to share a piece of joke or funny news. And when you aren’t the champion (which, unfortunately, happens more often than you wish), you feel that your great ideas are simply stolen by the evil journalists on websites such as BuzzFeed.
Due to point 11, you avoid visiting BuzzFeed and similar websites whenever possible, but you still follow them secretly on Facebook.
You have to wash your face and/or wear makeup before turning on your webcam to chat with strangers on Bazoocam. You have to look your best. as you cannot stand it when people on the opposite screen click “Skip.”
Following point 13, if you are actually being “Skipped,” you simply believe that those people who did so are having eye problems or suffer from poor taste.
You believe that all your articles should be featured on Thought Catalog.