“I thought she was going to stay with me, then she left”
Maybe this is one of the things that you have thought after a breakup that you did not see coming. You were in a relationship with a girl, who said she was always going to be there for you, no matter what, but she still walked out on you, this can lead you to question everything.
Did you do something wrong, are you a bad judge of character, do you even deserve love?
It’s all too easy for us to over-analyse a relationship. If it’s a friend who is going through a similar situation, it is much easier to keep your rational head on and give good advice but when it comes to your own emotions, people tend to be blind-sided.
Once you get over the gut wrenching agony of a breakup, the ‘What did I do wrong?’ it is possible to see the red flags, such as cancelled dates, ignored text messages and emotional unavailability.
Maybe you never actually felt secure in your relationship and were hanging on to a dream of what it could be, as opposed to what it was actually like.
This is not a bad thing as it shows that you are still open to falling in love, and a bit of self reflection can help you to move on from heartbreak and recognise the signs of someone who is not as involved as you are.
Don’t confuse lust with love, you can be massively attracted to a girl, but that does not mean that it would work out as a long term relationship, sparks could end up flying and not in a good way. Make sure that the connection goes deeper than just physically, can you have a deep conversation with them, do they share any of your interests?
Connection with another person has to happen naturally and not be one-sided for people to feel secure in a relationship. Nobody wants to have perpetual mind games, as it is just too stressful.
Look back at your relationship, and you will see plenty of warning signs, that you chose to ignore.
A breakup involves two people and it is all to easy to blame your girlfriend for walking out on you, or yourself for doing something wrong, but really if you reflect on it, you can see the red flags, and can learn to assert yourself in future so that you don’t go though the same heartbreak.
Mixed signals and manipulation are signs that a person is emotionally unavailable, so learn to avoid people with that kind of behaviour. Do not jump in with both feet at your next relationship, get involved, but keep your friend group and don’t make your new girlfriend responsible for your happiness.
If you have your head in the right place when you start a new relationship, and don’t have unrealistic expectations about your girlfriend, you are more likely to be able to make it work, and spot any warning signs early on, so that you can walk away before you have lost your heart.