6 Ways To Deal With The 3 Month Freak Out

We all know it, we’ve all dealt with it.  Whether we are having it ourselves, or are trying to talk someone out of it….the 3 Month Freak Out always hits from the blind side. (But to be clear, Sandra Bullock could come at me from any side. – Insert corny joke drums here)
It’s pretty much inevitable that one of you is going to have some sort of a nervous breakdown around the 3 month point of your dating journey. And chances are, it’s not because you don’t want to be in the relationship.  It’s because you are getting to another level of intimacy, another level of trust, and are starting to realize shit is getting real.  So BREATHE, and before you do anything drastic like have a threesome with strippers or buy a personalized bobble head so they won’t leave you, follow these steps to evaluate.

1. Just stop. Stop it

Take a second in between your hysterical crying and ice cream eating/binge drinking. Before you do anything drastic, just slow down, put on some Sara Bareilles, and effing breathe.

2. Think it over thoroughly

Get some you time in.  Have you actually given this any real thought? Or are you just trusting true adrenaline that kicked in after you watched He’s Just Not That Into You followed by The Godfather? Once you sit down and think rationally for a bit, maybe you will look at your epiphany a little differently.

3. Evaluate your life without them

If you constantly catch yourself saying, “If he/she wasn’t here, things would be so much easier, better, sexier, lovelier, less dramatic, insert other annoying adjectives here….”  That is probably a sign that this isn’t where you are are supposed to be, or who you are supposed to be with. (That is unless you’re self sabotage is at a level to high for anyone to touch, including yourself…) That’s way above my psychiatric pay-grade. But if you think that park people watching, thrift shopping, and movie marathons are just more fun when they’re around, maybe you should stick it out for a little bit longer. You owe yourself a chance to be happy after all.

4. Ask yourself some serious and not so serious questions 

Do you think this could go somewhere? Are there a million things that already annoy you?  Are you pushing everything out of your mind so you don’t have to feel anything?  Are you still thinking of sleeping with other people?  Is this someone you could see yourself with for… let’s just say a year.  Can you do a year with them?!  Do they have some of the same interests? Could you fall asleep next to them 5/7 nights of the week? Are they addicted to anything? (Addictions are scary. Except sex.  As long as they are addicted to your sex, you hit the jackpot.) Would they rather watch the Kardashians than make out with you?  If they got elbowed in a soccer game and had a black eye, would they still look hot?  These are all things you need to consider.

5. Talk to them

Before you make everything about you (again,) maybe they are having doubts too!  I would filter what you say a bit, especially if you are in serious manic doubt mode.  But I think a 3 month talk is vital.  It’s like the talk you have every year or so. Just a check in if you will.  “I’m here, where are you?  Are you here, are you behind me, are you in front of me, are we on the same page, or are you in a totally different Choose Your Own Adventure Book?”  You will absolutely feel better and they will too.

6. Move forward

Whatever the next step is, don’t sit around – Do it.  Take the step.  If it’s not meant to be, then the good news is you find out early.  I’ve wasted more time on bad TV shows…(ehhemm Breaking Bad.  Sorry, I know I know, but I just think it’s awful.)  Anyway – Hopefully what will happen after this talk is moving forward in your relationship with less doubts, less confusion, less stress eating, and more sleep.  Let you damn guard down and just be happy.  Your single friends are supposed to envy YOU, remember??  The best part of a relationship is being happy, give yourself that. Now go have some sex and stop worrying so much. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

For more thoughtful relationship advice, check out Claire’s Thought Catalog Book here.

TC Site

featured image – Flickr / Tree Leaf Clover

About the author

Claire Selius

More From Thought Catalog