Are there really “secrets” to lasting love? Things that happy, long-term couples have figured out that would dramatically increase your chances for the kind of relationship you dream of?
Yes, there are. And the reason they feel like secrets is because they really are puzzles that are unique to each couple. You have to spend some time working gently to unlock each one and then put the prize you find to work for you.
Fortunately, these three things are easy to share — and simply knowing what they are will help you get ahead. When you put your energy toward unlocking these three secrets, you really will be on your way toward lasting love…
1. How well you resolve conflict.
Arguing and disagreeing are normal in an adult relationship. It’s how you SOLVE things together that’s the real issue.
Are you going to respect yourself enough that you won’t allow him to treat you badly? Will you be able to communicate that with him in a way that he can understand? Are the two of you willing to keep working at solving this even if it takes repeated efforts over time? Do you have people you can get help from if you get stuck?
This is a big one, and many couples struggle with it for years.
2. Whether you will take responsibility for your own behavior.
He may be holding on to his old heartbreak in order to keep from having to admit that he is responsible for calling you names.
Is he going to let go of that old anger and move into a deeper relationship with you? Will his love become more about who you are, rather than what you once did?
And here’s a third important factor in any relationship that goes the distance…
3. Whether each of you will learn how to make the other person feel loved.
When you’re with him you should feel like your best self. And the same should be true for him.
This takes years to get good at, but it’s essential to lasting love.
And in order to get started, you have to be a bit of a detective: you have to figure out what YOU need to feel loved (learn your own love language), and communicate that with him. Then you have to understand what HE needs, and fill his “love bank” or speak his love language on a regular basis.
And both of you will have to go back to number one above when you’re not feeling loved, and figure out how to solve it.