4 Ways To Find Your Forever Person Without Losing Yourself

Unsplash / Tom Pumford

A lot of women, (including me) wonder daily when the great creator of the universe is going to send them the man that completes their puzzle.

That man that ignores their crazy, yet respects their rules. The man whose testosterone calms down their overzealous nature and magically balances their emotions. The man that just makes everything… ok.

In my opinion, he is coming, you are just not ready.

First let me say, I am unsure if it is a common thought, or if people really believe this when they say, “I’m probably just going to end up with myself, and I’m ok with that,” because let’s be honest, not only are you not ok with that but you weren’t created for that.

Human connection is a necessity and it’s kind of a crazy idea that the universe doesn’t care about you enough to send you a mate, no matter how alone you feel in the moment.

You being “alone” probably means that you need to do some self-observation and thought recognizing to pinpoint some unhealthy thoughts or reactions that need to be curved so that your dream guy will actually want you.

1. Remember you are not alone, you are with yourself.

Get to know who the heck you are! What do you like and dislike? How do people commonly react to you? What types of relationships do you have with your friends (close or distant)? What types of relationships do you maintain with your family?

Are you easy to talk to? What type of foods do you mostly eat? Do you work a lot? What are your values?

I could go on for days, but my point is, stop wanting someone else without knowing who you are that a man would want you.

When you mentally live in no-man’s land about who you are, it becomes a dark moist breeding ground for an infection called dysfunction.

When you get to know yourself, you will learn to love yourself, and others can love you. Anybody can be in a relationship, but how many people do you know in a happy, functional relationship?

2. Figure out how you feel about your mom and dad.

Touchy subject, I know. But if you don’t analyze your feelings and thoughts about your parents, you won’t be able to explain how you react to men.

In some cases this can explain why you are attracted to the men you are attracted to.

Are you angry at your mother for being “weak “and so you have subconsciously vowed to never let a man command you? Are you overall just disappointed at who the universe has given you as a dad, so you have decided men are scumbags of the earth?

Whatever it is, you have to be honest with yourself about those feelings, recognize the actions and thought patterns that come from those feelings, and make steps to move forward.

Moving forward may mean excepting that it may NEVER change and forgiving. Or it could mean respectfully confronting that parent and telling them that you forgive them.

Deciding to let go of things that you can never ever change is such a freeing experience, take it from me. It gives the responsibility back to the universe to handle because you can’t.

You have to be able to view your parents as human beings, take responsibility for your own actions, and do better.

3) You have to want a relationship, not a man.

A lot of women want a relationship because in their mind, they can see all the things their man can do for them and the things he can do with her and ways he will enhance her life.

But what about him? I mean, he needs stuff to. And the same way you are so comfortable with not being a perfect human being, he is just comfortable NOT being a perfect human being.

You have to be at a point in your life where you want more than a warm body that obeys all your commands. That is not a relationship, that’s a dog.

A relationship requires a give and take, a tolerance, and looking over (non-harmful) stuff because you like them, because you want a relationship with them.

Its ok to feel disappointment, anger, and other negative emotions for the person you are in a relationship with.

I am in no way condoning you to stay in an emotionally, mentally, or physically, abusive relationship. I am merely painting the picture that in a relationship, you are maintaining an agreement with another human being, rather than possessing a person.

4. Stop letting the absence of a man consume you.

Do I personally believe wanting a relationship that you do not yet have is ok? Yes. But get out of your mind that the lack of one is the root of all your problems, and that when you get one, your life will magically be perfect.

Can the presence of a quality relationship contribute to your happiness? Absolutely. Is it THE source of all of your hopes and dreams and everything you every wished for? No.

Thinking this should be a red flag that you need to go back to number one: “You are not alone.”

When you value and love you, you will know to go ahead and start living the life of your dreams.

The right man will come along. You can’t wait on a relationship to start your life, after all, you don’t know how long that will be.

I hope this epiphany was useful to you as it was to me, as I have learned it and continue to learn life lessons! Yes, I am still waiting patiently for the man of my dreams to drop out of the sky, and in the meantime, I am loving myself and deciding to be happy.

Self-love is the best love! Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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