This Is How I Once Loved You


“You have a beautiful soul,” you said to me that one night after a few drinks in. Those tender words that once meant everything to me only make my heart twinge now.

The first time I saw you, I felt a sense of uneasiness from the intense butterflies in my stomach. I felt lost yet captivated by your chiselled jawline and those mesmerizing blue eyes. Yet, there was more than just an instant attraction. There was something different about you. It was gloomy and almost intimidating. It was a darkness that I saw and to tell you the truth, it did not scare me at all. Perhaps it just resonated with me so well and for that, all I saw was an ordinary boy with a broken heart.

When you looked at me, I felt exposed but I was not scared to show you my bare soul. With you, I never felt the need to hide my vulnerabilities and insecurities that I do from others, because I know, you too, shared the same sentiments.

You always talked about your childhood and your passion for flying. Your ability to identify all the different aircrafts never ceased to amaze me. My father would have loved you.

Our dark sides and experiences with grief intertwined so gracefully that they bound us together. With you, I felt understood, as if you had somehow managed to find all these scattered pieces of me that have been aimlessly wondering around.

You had this amazing ability to break me into pieces and to put me back together. Your witty sense of humour always left me in uncontrollable giggles. There was never a dull moment with you. But you weren’t perfect. In fact, you were flawed in so many ways but you were still everything that I have ever wanted.

Somehow, I was foolish enough to let my guards down. I fell head over heels for you only to see you take a step back. You said that you felt like the worst person in the world for pushing me away. I didn’t even have enough time to pull myself back. You were gone before I even know it and it haunted me for nights.

For a long time, I saw your face everywhere I went. Every corner of the city reminded me of our late-night strolls and how you would pull me into your arms and kiss me.

It hurt for a long time.  Then eventually, it just stopped.

The truth is, you were scared. Scared to open your heart and let me in, even after I have poured my heart out to you. But I don’t blame you. Perhaps the timing was just not right.

And perhaps someone else will come along and see through your soul the way I did. And when that happens, I hope you let her in.Thought Catalog Logo Mark


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