I Wanted To Be More Than Just Your Summer Love

They say that timing is everything, a cliché that I had never given a thought about until I met you. Sometimes I wonder if we could have had our happily ever after if we had met at another time.

It was the kind of summer love that every girl has dreamed of. It was the spontaneous strolls through the parks. It was the long walks on the beach. It was sitting in the passenger side of your jeep, humming to the tune on the radio. It was simple, yet perfect.

I remember being in the boat with you that one afternoon, cruising through the water. It was the kind of day where the sunshine and the smell of saltiness from the ocean intertwined so harmoniously together that I lost control of my senses. I let out a sigh of bliss as I turned around to look at you. It was just the two of us, away from all the madness that goes on in the city. You took your hands off the helm to give me a kiss. Boy, was that a mistake.

I had no intention of falling in love with you, but somehow I did. It was meant to be a heat of the moment infatuation, an ephemeral love. I knew very well that we had an expiration date but I couldn’t help but fall a little more every time I looked into your eyes. It was the way our hands fit together. It was the adorable laugh you gave me when I was too chicken to crank up the speed in that boat. It was how you sneakily leaned in to kiss me in that cab. Those were the moments that had my heart skipped a beat over and over again.

The happier I was, the more I was afraid because I knew that our time was running out. I knew that in no time, you would be on the opposite side of the world, 14,143 kilometers away from me, or so Google told me.

You drove around the city aimlessly that last night just so we could spend an extra hour or two together, even though we weren’t talking. It was quiet, not because we had nothing to say, but because we knew that as soon as we say goodbye, we will possibly never cross paths again. The feelings were mutual. I wanted to ask you to stay but somehow I managed to stop those words from escaping out of my mouth.

As much as I wanted to just pack up and elope to the other side of the world with you, I knew that it just wasn’t right. The thought of you holding my hand and unwilling to let go as you pulled up at my house still breaks my heart a little. Trust me darling, I didn’t want to let go either.

It took me a little while to get used to the silence and emptiness after you left.  It was impossible to just snap out of it. You were constantly on my mind, I thought about you, about us and all the what-if’s. Oh darling, what I wouldn’t do for another fleeting hello with you.

Perhaps that’s the beauty of a summer love. It is the idea that we would just kiss each other goodbye and part ways when the leaves begin to change. It is the idea of looking back and reminiscing about the moments that we had shared together. But most of all, the idea of an almost love, a love that we could have had if the circumstances were different.

Darling, trust me when I say that I wanted to be more than just your summer.