4 Reasons Why I’m Still Single (And Why You May Be Too)

Franca Gimenez / Flickr.com.
Franca Gimenez / Flickr.com.
The other day someone asked me how I’m still single. He told me that he couldn’t believe it and that he wanted to know how “a girl like me” could possibly be single. I know that he was just being flirty and that he didn’t actually want me to give him a complete psychoanalysis of the many reasons why I have not found a significant other, but he got me thinking. He got me thinking about why I, a decently attractive young woman with strong ambitions, have not found someone. This is what I came up with:

1. I’ve let my past have too much of an impact on me.

Yes, I’ve been hurt significantly in the past, but I need to stop letting that get in my way. I shouldn’t let the men who have hurt me before hurt me anymore. I need to forget about the ones who cheated on me and abused me, and I need to focus on the possibility of finding a new man with whom I can have a healthy relationship.

2. I doubt myself.

I have always had extraordinarily low self-esteem. Just like every other little girl, I grew up with people constantly commenting on my appearance. They would point out my flaws and laugh about them — I was too short, my eyes were too far apart, I was flat-chested, etc. Even though I’ve long since grown out of the traits I was tormented for, the feelings of self-doubt that stemmed from those interactions have not left me. Whenever someone compliments me I get this sneaking suspicion that they’re just messing with me and that it’s all a big joke to them. It’s important to realize our own self-worth; that I am a person worth being proud of. I am an attractive young woman who is going places with her career, and I need to start acting like it.

3. I’m terrible at communication.

Ugh I hate this one, probably because it should be the easiest to fix. I am the absolute worst at communicating with people and I know it. I am the girl who takes a few hours to respond to a text, which only results in other people thinking I’m not interested. But it’s not that I don’t want to talk to them at all times; it’s that I don’t want to talk to anyone all the time. This normally keeps me from getting too close to people. Even if I do miraculously start to get close to someone, I’m still usually bad at expressing my feelings. Guys never seem to know where they stand with me even when I think I’m being completely clear. I need to grow a pair and learn how to use my words to express my feelings. No one can expect others to magically know what he or she is thinking.

4. I’m scared of commitment.

I have never truly experienced love and I think the main reason for this is that I’m terrified. I’m scared of getting hurt so I close myself off in order to protect myself. However, I’m now realizing that by doing this I’m not actually helping myself at all. By doing this, I’m only hurting myself. By closing myself off from any possible attachment, I’m making myself incapable of finding love. We need to open up first if we expect anyone to open up to us. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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