Taking your spouse for granted and having no time for each other is a sure-fire way to have marriage fatigue set in. All too often when a marriage gets stale, people turn to extramarital affairs to spice up their humdrum life, and the 37 million married people outed by the hack at Ashley Madison, the infidelity dating website, proves my point.
I’m stunned by many of my clients’ excuses as to why they have no time, desire, or energy to make love to their spouses. In no uncertain terms I respond, “It’s your job to keep your marriage partner from the temptations of the world. If you’re not making love to your spouse, someone out their will gladly do it for you.”
The good news is that with a little ingenuity monogamy doesn’t have to mean monotony.
If your love life has gotten a little stale lately, and you need to infuse some new life into it, why not try scheduling an affair with your spouse to spice things up? Set aside an evening or a weekend on a regular basis where the two of you get dressed to the nines and wine and dine each other. Smartphones are banned from the table. Sit and talk and get to know each other all over again. Look each other in the eyes. Hold hands. Flirt with each other. Romance and seduce each other. Stop assuming that you know everything about your spouse. After dinner, check into a motel. Take your time and don’t rush things. Allow plenty of time for massages, caressing, and kissing. Allow time for cocooning afterwards. Cocooning is the art of deliberately locking the world away, so two lovers can timelessly and intimately embrace, energize, and enjoy each other. Bask in the afterglow of lovemaking by talking, touching, kissing, and hugging. Remember to schedule your affair in the day or early evening, so that you’re not too tired for post-sex intimacy. Wait, you can’t afford this? Need I remind you that a divorce is going to cost you a lot more in the long run, and if you let the flame of passion burn out in your relationship, divorce might one day become a very real scenario; so look at this expenditure as money well spent and good investment in your financial future.
Then continue the romance all month long by writing each other steamy emails. Don’t worry if you’re not a very good writer. Say what’s in your heart. Tell your partner how he/she makes you feel. Rekindle the original spark that ignited your love affair by reminiscing about the first time you met, the first time you kissed, the first time you made love, or the first time your realized that you had fallen in love. This is not the time to get hard-core graphic about sex. Try to think in terms of the old movies you can still see on Turner Classic movies, where you never actually saw anybody doing anything sexual, but the movie was steamy hot anyway. The only rule is this: These letters are for your eyes only. They’re a secret code that the two of you share with no one but each other. This way you will both feel free to express your innermost dreams, thoughts, and desires.
These two simple changes – scheduling an affair and writing steamy emails, could go a long way to jumpstart your marriage.