So lemme get this straight: I just got out of graduate school, barely landed a career, haven’t had much of a social life and now I’m supposed to find the man of my dreams, marry, have kids, and live happily ever after? *insert WTF face here*
I always say: “Life is too short to be married and mizzy!” So what exactly is the rush?
This world can be a funny little place at times. Blasted with timelines socially, mentally, and physically, we’ve somehow adapted the notion that things should be done at a set time, pace, and place, and if we haven’t done so, if we fail to keep up, life as we know it is over and we are totally screwed! But let’s be clear, that’s totally not the case.
We’re all on our own personal journeys. Don’t get so caught up in what’s expected that you end up settling in a relationship with many uncertainties and completely unfulfilled, all because you’re afraid of ending up alone. When the time is right you will know and it will all happen when you least expect it. Respectively so, it makes sense to stay in your own lane. So here are a few ways to make being single count.
1. Get to know yourself.
All these years of living and you barely know you yet. There’s plenty of time to join the dating game. But before you put yourself out there take the time to date you. Find out what you like and don’t like; your life deal breakers; what makes you tic and why. Go on a few dates with yourself. Purchase a few special things with only you in mind. Travel a little bit and then travel a little bit more. Find out what you actually love about you.
2. Take some time to indulge in some necessary self care.
This ties in a little with getting to know yourself. Imagine yourself being with the absolute love of your life; the only thing is that absolute love is you! How would you treat yourself? What would you do?
Write yourself a letter. Make plans for a health check. Leave little love notes to yourself in random places. Read your favorite book. Exercise. Meditate. See a therapist and discuss past things you have trouble getting over. Whatever your love language is, use that to love on yourself hella, in whatever capacity necessary. Nothing about being single is sad or selfish. It’s literally a space where you’re allowed to indulge in yourself more. No one should ever feel guilty for that.
3. Be honest with yourself.
Where are you lacking? How can you improve? How’s your credit score? What’s your savings looking like? What would be the ideal version of you, for you? Figure these things out and then take the time to actually do it.
4. Connect with God.
A connection with God is probably the most enlightening experience you’ll ever have. It’s a chance to gain a new and clearer perspective. Getting closer to God reveals things that essentially bring you closer to you. You’ll not only find yourself further in sync but there will be a constant sense of peace. It doesn’t get any better than that!
5. Get comfortable with being alone.
Don’t let societal norms get the best of you. Being single doesn’t make you desperate, lonely, inadequate, or any less of a person. Who made this shit up anyway? Don’t get so busy trying to get bae’d up that you miss out on the opportunity to enjoy the alone time you do have. No obligations to call, text, check in, can be a bit of a relief when you think about it. There’s no going back once you take on the commitment of a marriage and even a family, so take advantage of the free time and flexibility while you still can.
Being single is a blessing. It’s a space to allow life to take its course organically. Remember no one wants to date 50% of a person. So take your time shawty and live life at your own pace in order to become 100% YOU! Won’t get married until your 40, cool. Didn’t have kids yet, fine. Be you completely and fully so that when the time comes you can love your partner and family with a COMPLETE you instead of a dull percentage of it. You owe yourself that much.