When did you suddenly think it was okay to stop believing in yourself? When did you stop trusting that you were worthy? When did you stop looking people in the eye when they asked you a question related to your being?
I began to look away, almost embarrassed by my existence, ashamed for my lack of showing up in a world where it can often feel compulsory to show up as someone or something specific.
I looked away from the person opposite me because I wasn’t fulfilling my needs and feeding the soul.
It can take a big effort to share with the world your truth and thoughts. It can take self-acceptance and love to show up and own your space.
I want to stop using my phone to hide behind. I wonder what we hid behind before technology.
I want to own my space and not feel embarrassed when I walk into a full cafe alone. I don’t want to sit down and take out my phone pretending to contact another being.
I don’t want to feel awkward sitting here on my laptop typing or sitting behind a book feeling that I might look like I am trying to be intellectual. This is a story I have created in my own head.
I want to accept that this is how I show up in the world. This is what I enjoy for now, and this is how I write my truth, whether it is Monday or Sunday. The truth doesn’t have labels or days of the week to adhere to.
It is whatever day my heart is compelled to show up, and that is most days.
I want to make eye contact with confidence to the person asking me a question. I am worthy to give an answer and they are worthy enough to receive an answer from me.
I want to make less eye contact with the screen and more with a human. I want to look into the eyes of another and be moved. I vaguely remember this happening before, and I want to show up for myself to let it happen again.
When I see people face down toward their phones while taking the train, or in cafes, or walking on the street, it makes me sad, and then it makes me sadder that I am one of those. It takes me awhile to come back out of the bubble to reality, a reality that never changed. We are still beings in need of human connection.
I feel sad that this is becoming tampered with, and sometimes I fall victim to the crutch of the wireless rays.
What if we were to own our space, our truth, our worth?
What if we were to look into the windows of other people’s souls and say who we really are?
What if by doing this, we could make those others feel a bit more comfortable with themselves so they too can show up in the world and look into other people’s windows?
Or what if we make those others feel a bit more uncomfortable? Either way, it doesn’t matter—the only thing that matters is your truth.