The dating game is tough. Whether you’re #singleforlife, playing the field, or just passing some time while waiting for your car to get inspected, there are people just like you–and people that are your polar opposite–all over Tinder.
In theory, Tinder, Bumble, Grinder, or whatever you prefer, sound like a great idea: you have access to an endless stream of people that you can weed out based on their looks, grammar, or musical tastes.
Simple. Quick. More like a party game than any sort of approach to dating.
Maybe it’s the ease, the accessibility, or the carnival roulette atmosphere, but we’ve taken not only the effort out of dating, but also any form of originality away as well. Here are the top 10 basic boys you’ll meet if you’ve ever downloaded a dating app.
1.) Country Boy Clem
Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston, all over my Tinder feed. Do men take photos of themselves holding up every fish they catch, or every deer they kill? Is this normal? Then, to accompany the string of dead animal photos, the country boy bio generally includes a reference to trucks, guns, bonfires, or ‘murica. Bonus points if he also works in the oil fields and says he likes to do “pretty much anything outdoors.”
2.) Frat House Freddie
If you live anywhere near a college town, you’re sure to meet a Frat House Freddie on a dating app. His photos are handpicked to show his “range,” with a few group shots in dark basements, surrounded by kegs and empty beer bottles, and then a few of him all dappered up in a country club suit and boat shoes. Toss in a shirtless yacht photo and some Greek letters in his bio, and you’re good to go!
3.) Laid-Back Larry
This basic boy can come in many forms, but chances are he has a septum piercing; he works at “self-employed,” which is code for he doesn’t work at all; and his bio boasts that he’s 4/20 Friendly. Laid-Back Larry is into “whatever,” and probably can’t be bothered to write a bio beyond that.
4.) Non-Committal Nate
Non-Committal Nate tells you he’s “not here for a long time, here for a good time,” while simultaneously telling you he hates country music. Meanwhile, he’s quoting George Strait and doesn’t even know it. He asks for Netflix and chill in his bio, and ghosts you after two messages.
5.) Where’s Waldo?
Where’s Waldo’s favorite song is “Who Are You” by The Who. He hides in group photos making you wonder which one he is. He could be anyone. More than likely, Waldo doesn’t think he’s very good looking so he hides amongst his friends. That’s the polite way of saying he’s the ugly one in the pictures.
6.) Gym Rat Geoff
Planet Fitness may be a judgement-free zone but Tinder isn’t, and Gym Rat Geoff knows that. He takes plenty of shirtless selfies in the gym mirrors, making sure to get the best angles for maximum muscle flex. His bio, too, tells you he’s a gym rat, lives at the gym, loves the gym, or some other form of the same thing. You will never mean as much to him as free weights do.
7.) Badass Brad
Badass Brad is easy to spot: he swears in his bio, tosses up his middle finger in photos, smokes or vapes, has tons of tattoos, and possibly a motorcycle, all of which are featured in his photos. He also claims that “Tinder is stupid,” and he doesn’t even know why he’s on here anyway.
8.) Gear Head Gary
Gear Head Gary cares more about his truck, car, or bike than anything else in the world. It’s so important to him that all his photos are of his prized machine. He can’t be bothered to write a bio, connect his Instagram, or pick a featured song because he’s too busy hanging out in the garage, giving his baby a touch-up.
9.) Political Pete or Paul
Political Pete and Paul fall under the same heading, but they’re very different people. Political Pete wears “Make America Great Again” hats, holds up confederate flags, touts guns, and talks about how proud he is to be an American. He could easily be mistaken for Country Boy Clem.
Political Paul writes a long bio about his work history, diverse interests, support of feminism, and other aspects of his accepting nature. Then he ends with “f*** Trump,” “Conservatives Swipe Left,” or “f*** all you Trump supporting racists. To the left.”
10.) Demanding Don
Demanding Don starts barking orders at you before you even meet. “If you hate coffee, swipe left.” “If you love dogs, swipe right.” “If you like country music, swipe left.” Demanding Don isn’t looking for a date or a girlfriend, he’s looking for a clone of himself, and if you don’t agree with everything he says, he doesn’t want you around.