Can’t Wait for Jesus to Save Me From this Stupid Life of Mine

Life sucks. We all know this.

Religion rules. We all know this. Because religion is obsessed with the rapture, the apocalypse. The end of all this day-to-day shit and the beginning of something supreme. Complete communication with others. Happiness. Love that wholly overcomes loneliness; a never-ending supply of virgins. True, ever-lasting beauty. God.

Marx, in defense of religion, famously said: “Religion is the opium of the people.” Which in plain English means, religion is just as good as one of the best drugs on the planet — opium. And from the looks of this viral video it is, indeed it is:

Fuck yeah Christianity! TC mark

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  • no crop-tops in heaven

    feel like vaginal delta at 6.44 is symbolic of 'all hymens infinitely restored.'

  • georgewscottiii

    That is a video about the potential of a nuclear holocaust.

  • Jordan

    This video goes to a level of fucked up that I could only reach in my wildest dreams.

  • Leigh Alexander

    awesome, good to know that in the event of total nuclear apocalypse i will have 15-20 minutes warning to pray to my ancient delusional fantasy god for 'flying garments' and like a metal headband

  • Eric

    feel like white people are exploiting indigenous peoples of heaven via forced labor and stealing their land / resources

  • kate

    This video is laughably extreme, but your claims about Christianity are completely off target. The Christian faith is not based on a threat, nor is it about a man in the attic keeping tabs on all the shit that happens in your life. It's about mankind's fall and our need to find salvation in the truth and sacrificial love of Christ from our self-centered nature, our sin.

    It's also not about how much this world sucks. It's a broken world, yes…our very self-seeking human nature is what makes it so. But read Ecclesiastes. Read Ephesians. Song of Solomon, or 1 John and the Gospels. Heck, read them all. Anyone can pretend Christianity is what they want it to be, but when it comes to the mass media, this is just pathetic. I'd go as far as to say you're spreading ignorance and cynicism.

    You took a cheesy 80's video of Christian perspective off YouTube and wrote another sarcastic paragraph to accompany it. And now I'm diving more into this subject than you did, Christopher Linsey, in your whole “article”. Or entry. Or thought. Whatever.

    Thanks Thought Catalogue, for another gripping article. Glad to see this is where the future of journalism is headed.

    • christopher lynsey


      I was not being sarcastic. But you're definitely being cruel.

      You should delve a bit more before you judge so harshly.

      • Kate

        You're right in saying “religion rules” in the sense that it plays a integral part in our society (rather than in the sarcastic, snarky, sense that I initially perceived it as being in). I apologize for the harshness of my comment. I wouldn't be reading Thought Catalogue in the first place if it wasn't interesting.

        That said, another reason I posted that was because it, like another Thought Catalogue article (“smart, sassy christians explain why homosexuality is truly an abomination”- sarcasm), it highlights the ridiculous, blind, nature of some aspects religious conservatism under the mindset that this is how most Christians, or how most religious people act and think- under the influence of brainwashing or the “the religious opiate”. Sure the above video exists on the web and If I stumbled upon it myself, I too would be laughing. It is hilarious. But why share it here? Why give it a place among articles? (this is actually a question, not a comment)

        I commented because the incessant and polarizing portrayal of religious conservatism both in conservative and liberal media outlets irritates me- in content like this and in the Tea Party. Regardless of my own beliefs on these matters, the weight that the fringe issues take in the media do not represent Christianity in an honest light. That isn't to say that I want my faith to be portrayed as better than it is (though for better or for worse to me it is the truth) or even as better than those who represent it today. I simply want to see accuracy from both sides.

        I hope you can delve in a bit more yourself as well, not just in the religious and cultural sense. Think and think again about the affect your articles have on polarizing the general public. Again, I apologize for the harshness of my tone (because it definitely was harsh), and I honestly wish you the best.

      • pfft

        it's called freedom of speech honey. Deal with it.

        I thought christians aren't supposed to judge?

      • christopher lynsey

        Shut up.

      • christopher lynsey

        I don't know what you're talking about, to be honest. I don't watch the news or follow any of that shit. But I am glad we're good. Have a nice Thanksgiving.

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