Ladies: We Don’t Complain About Your Erectile Dysfunction, So Stop Complaining About Ours


I have read several posts recently, here and elsewhere, about erectile dysfunction, that nasty little elephant in the room that just can’t seem to get its trunk up. Shit, Dumbo just can’t fly sometimes. It’s a very sensitive subject, one that is probably more common lately due to excessive porn use, stress, bad health habits—both physically and mentally–lack of communication and repressed American sexual culture. I’ve read and heard many real-life women complaining about it: yes, sadly dumping guys over it, chatting about it in sexless conspiracy curiosity, and…just straight bitching ’bout what they don’t know. But what no one seems to realize, especially you girls, is THAT YOU GET ED, TOO!

I’m talking about making it wet. Simply put, sometimes you’re dry, but you don’t hear us calling the un-wet-wambulance, do you? No you don’t.

Girls don’t have penises (blew my mind the first time I heard it, too) thus they cannot have erectile dysfunction. Yes, technically true. But girls sometimes, even many times, do not get wet before or during sex, and the implications and the frequency at which these droughts occur, cause the very same issue that girls complain about when they talk about our ED. No wet=no sex, at least not comfortably, and it means that maybe you are at least temporarily physiologically or psychologically unable to have sex with us. We too feel shame, rejection, agitation, frustration and even humiliation. Of course, you girls have at least one easy way to bail out, or rather bail in, the water shortage: lubricant.

If you’re not wet, you apply some lubricant, or we apply it for you, and boom shakalaka we can slip through the now well-oiled hinges. So sweet and simple. What’s even better about that? You didn’t hear us crying about the desert during, or after, sex. Chances are, we did not discuss how our girlfriend did not get wet the night before when we are munching on chow the next day or drinking the drink at the pub crawl with our buds. Shit, most sexually active guys I know even have some lube ready to go at all times. It even has different colors and flavors!!

Unfortunately, we men don’t have that luxury with our equipment. We have that blue pill, and now an assortment of others, but unless you’re 40 plus, there is a stigma attached to it, it’s not spontaneous, and frequent use of said blue pill leads to health problems over time. Plus, you know, we’re guys, we are supposed to be ravenous sex hungry beasts that despite life’s pressures could keep a hard-on pumping during the zombie apocalypse while demented children gnaw on our ankles. I’m in my late twenties and have had maybe a handful of ED experiences, mostly due to drugs and alcohol, which I shrugged off with an inebriated snicker, and maybe one or two sober experiences that really ate me up and put the pink in my cheeks for days on end. Other times, I’ve banged for so long and unwrapped orgasms like Willy Wonka’s golden tickets sucking on ever-lasting Gobstoppers. There are many factors that play into both extremes, I think, too numerous to mention here.

All I ask is that, ladies, you think about your wetness or lack there of, and feel some empathy for us guys because it’s really just a social stigma and $5.99 at the pharmacy that sets our shame apart.

So next time you want to bag on one of my fellow dudes for his faulty plumbing, check under your own sexy sink to see if the water is running. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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