Dear Ladies: Men Are Not Mind Readers And Communication Is A Two-Way Street

Schmidt and Cece on New Girl taking a selfie
New Girl

We are not wired that way.

When we send you a friendly, open-ended message, and your response is ‘ok’ or ‘oki’ or ‘k’… or when you take unusually long to reply… we’ll know that you’re pissed about something. But what you’re pissed about… we have no idea. Did we say something insensitive? Did Kelly comment on our Instagram picture? Did we forget to take out the trash? Are we getting complacent? Did we forget your birthday? Just kidding – we deserve a one-word response if we forgot your special day.

Similarly, when we try to have a conversation with you, and you give us the silent treatment… we’ll definitely know that we are in the doghouse. So, we’ll retrace our steps like we are looking for lost keys… we’ll jog our memories like we forgot our email password… but at the end of the day – we still won’t know where we went wrong because we don’t read minds.

So, we‘ll just patiently wait until you firmly say, You know, it’s funny how…”

Ladies, trust me – most of times, we don’t have the slightest clue about what’s going on. We’re not trying to be difficult, we are just simply clueless. Maybe we could be more observant – I agree – we could be a little more observant at times. Or maybe we could be more proactive. Or maybe we could be more considerate. But we do make mistakes, and we need you to address those errors by communicating with us. We do not read minds.

The truth is, you often criticize us for not communicating in our relationships and, generally speaking, we do fall short in this department. But when you’re upset about something, and you don’t express yourself, then you’re just as guilty as we are.

So, if you have a problem, it would be great to let us know what’s on your mind. We are not saying that you need to be nice about it – but you need to let us know. Being silent is not going to solve the problem.

We want you to communicate with us more in relationships, just like you demand of us. If you want to do something fun, let us know. Don’t drop subtle hints, and get upset/feel disappointed when we don’t pick up on the clues. We know that we should take the initiative and make plans, but if for some reason we get complacent or distracted with responsibilities, we want you to help us. We are in this thing together.

When we’re really into you, we’ll want to improve our relationship, we’ll want to keep the sparks alive, and we’ll want to make you happy.

We are not going to be bothered by complaints or criticisms (Don’t mistake us for men who are looking for a fling – they will get annoyed). We may not necessarily like your tone (if you’re pissed), but we’ll appreciate the openness and keep working on our relationship. And, of course, it’s not going to be smooth sailing, but we’ll acknowledge our errors and move in the right direction. So, you have to facilitate this progress, by communicating with us, even when you’re upset.

Ladies – communication is a two-way street. And in the same way that you want us to be more expressive and open up more in relationships; we want you to let us know what’s on your mind. And we don’t want you to hoard information and use it at a later date. We want to know about the problems as they occur, and we want to do fun things when you’re in the mood, not belatedly.

So, let’s make this happen. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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