1. If you ask to borrow someone’s Netflix account and they don’t text back for over an hour, take that as a “no.” They probably didn’t want to feel bad for having to actually reject you, so take that silence as a denial. Don’t double down of the potential awkwardness by asking again.
2. If you are borrowing Netflix, don’t tell anyone else who lent you their account. If Person 1 shares a stick of gum with you and Person 2 later asks where you got the gum, you don’t tell them Person 1 gave it to you and send other panhandlers their way. You say it was your own, but you don’t have anymore/can’t share, ya ninny.
3. If you’re dating the person you borrow from, and the two of you breakup, you have approximately 24 hours to get your own Netflix account before the password is changed.
4. Please refrain from streaming any Tyler Perry movies, as watching even one of them causes Netflix to relentlessly, aggressively, recommend every last predominantly black film they have in their database.
5. Don’t explore the weird part of Netflix. Watch Human Centipede on your own time, on your own movie streaming accounts.
6. Giving out the login info to anyone else gets you a lifetime ban. No parole.
7. Any embarrassing guilty pleasure shows & movies you see the account owner watching in his/her “Recently Watched” section must remain unspoken of and confidential.
8. If, in the future, you acquire access to an HBO GO account, you must immediately offer to share it with the person who formerly lent you their Netflix as a courtesy. You went from rags to riches, don’t forget who got you there — it’s the right thing to do.
9. Don’t add your own ‘Profile’ to the account. That’s like asking to spend the night at a friend’s place, and hanging pictures of yourself all over the walls.
10. If you’re seen out, spending more than $7.99, that means you can afford your own account, therefor you’re cut off immediately.
In theory, following all of these commandments makes borrowing someone else’s Netflix such a restricted, pain in the tuchus experience that people will just gather up eight smackaroos a month and fund their own movie watching habits.