Every Space Jam fan remembers the classic scene where the Tune Squad is getting mollywhopped by the Monstars, and Michael Jordan uses a bold, psychological strategy, giving his teammates water in a bottle labeled “Michaels Secret Stuff” to hype them up. This bottle is a detailed replica, even nailing the font, and makes a solid shelf decoration for anyone who refuses to buy vases and pronounce it vauzes like a fancy adult.
This one can’t necessarily be purchased at any given time. They’ve been on Etsy and ebay sparingly, but you may jut have to do it yourself. If I had a puppy, surely this would be something I’d create, as it seems pretty simple to throw together. Also, you can tap in cheat codes to get your dog to do tricks, like roll over, play dead and unlimited ammo.
The real question here is why didn’t these things exist when it would’ve been socially acceptable to scream “It’s morphin’ time!” and hold them up in public? These are actual, legit morphers. I mean, you obviously won’t suddenly appear in a full body of spandex and make THE WORST puns, but it’s surprisingly/satisfyingly heavy, and the “power coin” is removable and everything. It costs about $60, which may seem steep, but do it for seven year old you, whose wallet was empty, Velcro and covered in Ninja Turtles or Lisa Frank’s LSD inspired designs.
We all know the classic Home Alone scene where Kevin uses the fake film seen above to scare the pizza man, and the “Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here!” line is gold, so why wouldn’t you want guests greeted by it? Really, do you want to let anyone who doesn’t get the reference in your home anyway?
This popular beverage that came out in the 90s and disappeared in the early 2000s is back. Personally I’m not a big soft drink kinda guy, but the next time I’m craving a sugary beverage, I’d love for it to be a nostalgia-filled one that I haven’t tasted in over a decade.
Again, if you want to decorate your home, specifically your nightstand, with things that lack a traditional sense of maturity, but reek of awesome, lo and behold this Nickelodeon clock radio. It’ll likely be used and expensive, but you can’t put a price on time, which kind of makes clocks worth it. My logic is undeniable.
Again, where was this in 1994? I don’t even use the word “swag,” but I involuntarily said it when I first laid eyes on this backpack. The plastic nunchucks are an incredible bonus, as are the bandanas. If you’re lazy but festive, this is an entire Halloween costume in one package.
We all dreamed of running through that temple and having a temple guard scare the mess out of us before we successfully assembled The Shrine of the Silver Monkey, which felt like it was much easier than many of the nincompoop contestants made it look. Since that can’t happen, you can at least invest in the shirts of the various teams. Blue Barracudas all day.
I’d hope this case is capable of absorbing high impact and protecting my phone, because I can’t guarantee I wouldn’t be tempted to throw it like a Poké Ball at any given time.
If you’re a prepubescent child on the inside, make the interior design of your home reflect that. It might look like a Nintendo projectile vomited all over your room, but depending on if that sounds like a compliment or insult to you indicates whether or not you should buy it.
It’s not a physical item, but it is 100% free and I promise you it’s fun for at least like, the first nine seconds.