I Went To Taco Bell’s Headquarters And Now I’m In Love With A Fast Food Restaurant

A while back I wrote about why Taco Bell would make a great lover if it were a living person, and Taco Bell responded by sending me some romantic goodies that included roses with petals made of hot sauce packets. While there’s obviously been heavy flirting between Taco Bell & I, we aren’t officially romantically involved… yet. On August 6th, 2014 Rob Fee & I got to visit Taco Bell’s headquarters, where I hoped to further the process of courting my beloved food establishment.[protected-iframe id=”e8c5a38c1a7d0e94d9f911103b45305d-7369149-16382093″ info=”//instagram.com/p/fOHmfySuJL/embed/” width=”612″ height=”710″ frameborder=”0″ scrolling=”no”]

If you imagine the sweaty palm inducing anticipation of greeting your date on prom night, combined with the wondrous joy Charlie felt visiting Willy Wonka’s awe-inspiring chocolate factory, then douse that feeling in Fire sauce for extra intensity, that’s what I felt the day of my visit at Taco Bell’s headquarters. Even pulling up to the building, I was mesmerized by how tall and gorgeous it was — like a fancy gazebo, or Khloe Kardashian.

Upon entrance, Taco Bell was immediately a sweetheart, greeting Rob & I courteously with adhesive visitor nametags. I felt like a nincompoop because I hadn’t brought a corsage for Taco Bell to wear in return. The place was so pretty – just a clean, aesthetically pleasing environment. It was difficult not to snap several photos because everything was shiny and I could post these pictures on Instagram to make all of my loser friends who weren’t at Taco Bell’s headquarters jealous. So difficult, in fact, that my phone wound up dying a hasty, but honorable death halfway through the tour.

Anyway, some incredibly friendly staff members took us through the building and each hallway was awesome and interesting, but I must admit to being distracted, because all I could think about was finding a decent segue to discuss bringing back Beefy Crunch Burritos.

Then, while strolling past the wall of Taco Bell history (pictured above), I realized it featured a mention of my beloved Beefy Crunch Burritos being introduced in 2011. This was it! This was my opportunity to ask Taco Bell staff where Beefy Crunch Burritos were and why Beefy Crunch Burritos left and if Beefy Crunch Burritos would ever come back. I hastily brainstormed how to phrase my inquiry, but before I could start a burrito revolution of biblical proportions, something happened. Something that brought my entire agenda to a screeching halt. Something that rewired my brain. Something that sent my train of thought to a completely different station… Our tour guides mentioned going to the cafeteria for lunch, and the power of immediate food proved to be a distraction.

Minutes later, I was eating Taco Bell food with Taco Bell employees at a Taco Bell restaurant inside of Taco Bell’s headquarters – Tacoception was happening. I even tried a Quesarito for the first time, which was interesting because I’d never had an exciting, life changing experience that called for a nap immediately after.

When the tour continued, there were some fascinating revelations that included:

1. Taco Bell’s headquarters has test kitchens.

2. Occasionally they hold taste-testing sessions and allow random folks the opportunity to come in and grub on exclusive concoctions.

3. Taco Bell’s headquarters offer employee amenities, including a game room and gym.

4. Taco Bell’s headquarters holds daily meetings in a room that has several large projector screens and walls decorated in colorful sticky notes. It looks like a place for very important, yet super fun discussions and brainstorms to be had. Imagine the laboratory a bunch of highly decorated geniuses would work from, if they were trying to create the most scientifically satisfying house party — or just look at this sweet picture of Rob & I sitting in there like the Commissioners of Crunchwraps:

While in that room, the topic of social media came up, and I learned that Taco Bell is basically better than every other company at being aware. Aware of the world, aware of their fans — not only do they pay attention to popular news stories and who mentions them on Twitter, but their staff was even familiar with internet pushes for the return of specific products, such as my beloved Beefy Crunch Burritos having an entire Facebook page dedicated to their rebirth. I didn’t even have to campaign for it because THEY ALREADY KNOW WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT.

So basically this visit to the headquarters confirmed my beliefs that Taco Bell is gorgeous, listens, feeds me and is perfect in every way, which are all of the qualities we look for in a lover/food establishment. I don’t want to sound desperate, y’all, but I do hope Taco Bell calls me back some time and then maybe we can like, formally go steady and spend an eternity full of love & chalupas together, or whatever.