1. Garden Salsa SunChips
These are the best SunChips of them all but I can’t write a couple puny sentences describing their residue’s deliciousness, because they’re worthy of so much more appreciation. I’m going to begin working on a new website, http://www.gardensalsasunchipsandtheirfingerresiduechangedmylife.com. It’ll feature weekly posts discussing the amazingness of these sacred chips & a detailed “Which Flavor Of SunChip Are You?” quiz (if you get anything other than Garden Salsa, it will blacklist report your IP address). The site will also offer free memberships, and anyone who joins will get access to my exclusive Garden Salsa SunChip fanfic.
2. Flamin’ Hot Cheetos
While you’d think it’s inconvenient to have stained fingers for 12 hours that even a thorough hand washing doesn’t seem to erase, these chips are well worth it. Hot Cheeto finger residue is like a spicy, fleshy lollipop. Surely you know that there will be red prints on every white surface touched after eating them unless you do a thorough job of sucking aforementioned dust as any efficient eater should.
3. Chili Cheese Fritos
This is the only residue that is as good, if not better than the chip itself. I know what you’re thinking — Christopher, how can flavor dust alone be equal to the flavor dust covered chip in its entirety? Well, it’s like Chili Cheese Fritos are a TV show, but then Chili Cheese flavor dust gets a spinoff series that’s phenomenal. The Fritos are Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the Chili Cheese flavoring is Angel. The Fritos are Different Strokes, the Chili Cheese flavoring is Facts of Life. The Fritos are a decent pop culture analogy, the Chili Cheese flavoring is ending that analogy before you completely kill it.
4. Nacho Cheese Doritos
Nacho Cheese Doritos are a staple of finger residue licking. There’s a reason Taco Bell made a shell based on the flavor of these chips and their beautiful, bright orange dust. This is elite finger residue right here, folks – arguably the best of them all. Even if it’s nacho favorite, you got to appreciate the doors they’ve opened for every other flavor of chip that dreams of being turned into a mainstream fast food chain product.
5. Cool Ranch Doritos
You know those doors Nacho Cheese Doritos opened? Well they chivalrously held it open for Cool Ranch to walk on in as well. Real elite flavors don’t compete, they empower each other.
6. Ruffles Smokehouse Style BBQ
Something about those ridges Ruffles chips have make them extra appealing, but this particular flavor is like an incredibly 4th of July BBQ in your mouth. Then the finger dust is like an after party that your tongue is exclusively invited to.
Oh, that magic, zesty, onion dust. These are one of those things that you absolutely love, but for some reason don’t indulge in often enough. When was the last time you had Funyuns? For most, I guarantee it has been over a month. Everyone’s had and enjoys Funyuns, just not recently. Their residue is flat-out heroic, swooping in to save your mouth from every taste that isn’t Funyuns, so you should make a conscious effort to eat them at least biweekly. Basically, what Jesse Pinkman said:
8. Lays Classic Potato Chips
If you were to dip your fingertips in just the right amount of salt & grease – voila — this is what you’d have. The residue is similar to what you’d get from a quality serving of French fries, so if that’s what you’re craving but you don’t feel like hitting a drive-thru, Lays Classics are an efficient way to get by.
9. Ruffles or Lays Cheddar & Sour Cream Chips
It’s almost unfair because they’re two magnificent flavors joining forces to woo your taste buds. Like, cheddar was already pretty magical, but then it decided to take its talents to Sour Cream and this glorious concoction came about. The dust is delicious, but with this dynamic duo pairing up, you wouldn’t expect anything less.
10. Pringles Salt & Vinegar Chips
They say “Once you pop you can’t stop” so if that holds true and you do in fact eat the entire tube of salt & vinegar flavored Pringles, afterwards you’ve got a sequel to what was a fantastic, two salt & vinegar residue covered thumbs up movie.
Everything I said about Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, but also these are hotter and have a hint of lime, so that residue is INTENSE. Takis are like the extremely extroverted version of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.