Dr. Seuss Presents: Turn Down For What?

Shutterstock & LilJonVEVO
Shutterstock & LilJonVEVO

I entered the club and was captivated by the sounds and sights!
Music was bumping, there were so many flashing lights.
There were people dancing, all joyous and merry.
They Dougie’dStanky LeggedCat Daddy’d & Halle Berry’d!
A random woman pulled me to the dance floor without any warning.
Luckily I’d remembered to turn my swag on that morning.
We popped and we locked and we laughed and had a great time.
Then she told me she had a boyfriend and I felt betrayed by the grime.
I walked away disgusted, seeking drinks to clear my head.
The bar was having specials, some apple ale made by REDD’s.
I had like twelve of those and felt a strong buzz.
My rationality wasn’t there, but my liquid courage was.
“WANNA DANCE? WHAT’S YOUR NUMBER? WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER THIS?”
“No, 1-800-YOU-WISH, get away from our table” the girls hissed.


After that happened several times, I was feeling pretty dejected.
I mean so much rejection wasn’t at all what I’d expected.
This was sad and discouraging, I considered calling it quits.
I was about to head home when I saw a girl with huge… mitts.
Yeah, she was wearing winter gloves in the club, which was definitely odd.
But she made eye contact so I gave her a flirty nod.
She winked then walked past and I saw that she had a nice butt.
That’s when I asked myself the age old question, TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?!


TURN DOWN FOR WHAT? TURN DOWN FOR WHO?
TURN DOWN FOR ME? TURN DOWN FOR YOU?
TURN DOWN FOR HIM? TURN DOWN FOR HER?
TURN DOWN TODAY WHEN TOMORROW’S NOT ENSURED?
TURN DOWN LIKE A COWARD? TURN DOWN LIKE A LAME?
TURN DOWN IN AN HOUR? TURN DOWN LIKE IT’S A GAME?
TURN DOWN BECAUSE YOUR VISION IS BLURRED?
TRUN DOWNN BCUSS YUR WURDS ‘ER SLURRRED?
TRN DWN BCUSSSZ OM GUNN SPLOWED LYYKCOMMIT?
TRN DWN BCUSSZZ OMMM GNAV AHMIT?


“Dude, you were so drunk,” said my friends when I woke.
They pointed and laughed like I was a joke.
But I was the cool one, I mean, after all,
I’d kept partying hard when most would just fall.
“Don’t you dare laugh at me, do you know who I am?”
I stood up and walked off, middle finger to them.
I stumbled down the street, maybe a mile, not far.
Then I kicked open the door of a tiny dive bar.
GIVE ME ALL OF THE DRINKS AND GIVE ME THEM NOW!
I’LL NEVER TURN DOWN, YES, THAT IS MY VOW!
I’LL TURN UP TODAY, I’LL TURN UP TOMORROW
I’LL TURN UP ‘TIL I’M IN DEBT, THEN I’LL BEG AND I’LL BORROW!


I could not, would not turn down for what or who.
I will not turn down for me.
I will not turn down for you.
I will not turn down for him or her.
I will not turn down today or tomorrow, which isn’t ensured.
Not like a coward! Not like a lame!
Not in an hour! Not like it’s a game!
I will not turn down because vision is blurred.
I will not turn down because words are slurred.
I do not turn down because I’m gonna explode like a comet.
I will not turn down because I’m gonna vomit.
I WON’T TURN DOWN, NOW PLEASE FILL MY CUP!
I’LL TURN UP AND TURN UP AND TURN UP, UP, UP!


I passed out, waking days later in a hospital bed.
The nurse came in and said “You’re lucky you aren’t dead.”
I’d gone overboard and alcohol poisoned myself.
Permanent damage could’ve been done to my health.
Wow, I thought, what if I’d died?
I laid my head back and for an hour I cried.
And that’s when it hit me, I realized something profound.
Life itself was a “what” for which to turn down. TC Mark

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