15 Things I Came In Like, Other Than A Wrecking Ball

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I came in like a …

1. A passive aggressive Starbucks customer who is trying to avoid confrontation but make the barista aware that he asked for sweetener in his tea, but there isn’t any.

2. An incoming call when your phone was on vibrate and lying on your soft pillow so you didn’t even hear it.

3. A copy of a book from a small publisher that a customer had to order on Amazon because Barnes & Noble didn’t carry it which irked me, but I bit my tongue.

4. A person who respectfully knocks and waits for a hearty “Come in!” to confirm entrance is acceptable.

5. The spotty patches of hair on the chin of a, up until now, prepubescent boy.

6. Junk ads and coupons in the mail that you immediately toss in the nearest trash bin.

7. A Low Winter Sun promo.

8. An email from Sally Mae telling you that if you don’t defer or begin payments on your loans, you credit is going to shit.

9. An obnoxious iTunes update popup.

10. A sweet, “You should come by this weekend for dinner” text from your mother.

11. A new message in your Facebook inbox from a crush who you’ve dreamt of dating, but it just turns out to be spam from their freshly hacked account.

12. A wreck and balled in the fetal position on your bathroom floor as you knocked and asked “Is everything okay in there?” while I sniffled my nose, and shakily let out a pretending-to-be-normal “All good, I’ll be right out!”

13. A new Craigslist ad from some creepy, middle-aged man claiming to be a photographer seeking nude models.

14. A first time Black Friday shopper who is entering Best Buy 10-hours after they initially opened and is shocked by the rundown appearance and lack of $199 40-inch LED TVs left.

15. A partially charred, pink teddy bear that fell from the skies and into your pool.