1. You’ve been buying lame things and getting excited about it.
More often than concert tickets or videogames, you enthusiastically purchase boring, cliché adult stuff like a toaster or a shower rod or Tums or light bulbs. Things that you feel a sense of accomplishment for finally buying and owning, but no immediate fun or pleasure à la Macbook Pros or a trip to Vegas. Still, you can find comfort and take pride in the fact that your silverware separator ensures forks and spoons won’t be mingling with butter knives, so there’s that.
2. Having very specific favorite versions of cleaning products.
Disappointment is the moment you realize just how genuinely excited you are about Woolite Extra Care being on sale so you can make your darks darker. Why don’t I care about 2-for-1s at the bar and raging this weekend? Why don’t I want to know who is performing well on this season of The Real World/Road Rules Challenge? Why am I not more into talking about Miley’s bleached, short hair. Speaking of bleach, that Clorox Lemon Fresh stuff is the bees knees.
3.There’s such a thing as music being “TOO loud,” whereas there were no limits in previous years.
The appeal and stock of loud noises in general has really plummeted over the years, and you often find yourself more annoyed than entertained by blaring music. Whether it be from headphones or at a concert, you’re noticing how often you notice and abhor volumes on high.
4. You scan the fingers of potential love interests for a wedding ring
It doesn’t seem like long ago that the standard protocol for checking on a person’s relationship status was creeping on their MySpace, searching for any signs of a boyfriend or girlfriend. That’s changed significantly over the years into adulthood because we aren’t dealing with as many month-long high school relationshits, we’re talking about actual marriages. A sanctity that those of us with a decent amount of respect wouldn’t want to tread upon. BIG difference from the low stakes dating games that our teens were full of.
5. You trade in special ringtones for the default jingles and noises in your phone.
The Thong Song flowing through your cell speakers when receiving an incoming call from so-and-so was a lot funnier back in 2006 at the mall than it is now at the office. You’ve probably decided to go with Marimba or whatever default tunes your phone spews out because it’s not as humiliating as Tootsee Roll by the 69 Boyz unexpectedly piercing the ears of every adult in what was previously a quiet setting would be.
6. The times you’re asked to show ID are few and far between.
But when they do happen, you bask in the glory of your youthful appearance.
7. You feel less of an urge to drink because the hangover recovery time has expanded from a couple of hours to an entire day.
In terms of hangover healing, you used to be Wolverine, but now you’re just plain, old Hugh Jackman.
8. You’ve gotten rid of a piercing in recent years.
Perhaps you’re tired of being judged or began feeling self-conscious about having a particular piercing and you chose to remove it to better fit society’s traditional adult mold. Maybe you even did it because you didn’t want, say, an eyebrow ring to take away from your qualifications for a professional career. Hey, when one hole closes, a door may open, so you’re just doing what you have to do to get by.
9. There’s no clear point of when this transformation occurred, but your parents have become more like friends than lecture givers.
At various points in life, we looked at our parents in entirely different ways. They were our our caretakers, our potty trainers, our chefs, our janitors, our instruction givers and eventually in an inevitable, puberty charged, often rebellious phase, they became these vicious, controlling, overly strict, prison guard-esque individuals who we couldn’t talk to about anyone or anything. Then, somewhere along the way, you realized they’re some cool people. You’re like, actually buddies with them, and they’re the most reliable of friends because you know they created you and care as much, if not more than any other person ever possibly could.
10. You don’t like people anywhere near your front door.
If you have a front yard, you get all Clint Eastwood Gran Torino on hoodlums for daring to step on your precious lawn. Even having people within a twenty foot radius of your front door is concerning to you, as peer out the window with great disdain for those inconsiderate chumps all up in you, and your home’s personal bubble.
11. The phrase ‘MILF’ is no longer a popular acronym used to describe some unfortunate kid’s mother.
Pictured above is Lisa Ann — one of, if not the most popular adult film stars in the world. Why is she amongst the most widely known performers? Perhaps it’s because she fills the highly sought after, strongly admired MILF/COUGAR categories. The appeal of and attraction to 35+ year old women for younger folks is still very much alive, the only difference for rapidly maturing adults is that said women aren’t so much their elders, as they are now their peers. These days MILF has become a term that’s more likely to be used by some younger person describing you or one of your peers. Same goes for DILF, although GILF is still on the table for another decade or so before you’re the hot grandparent somebody (hopefully) wants.
12. Upon seeing the scantily clad costumes on Halloween, your main thought is – poor thing, you must be freezing cold.
Anytime you find yourself being concerned for others in a very responsible, parent-like way, you know you’ve grown a lot. I mean, when you see someone barely wearing anything on the typically chilly last day of October, it’s more common to see people admire what they’re seeing or be harsh and critical of the almost naked individuals decisions. It’s Halloween — one night where absurdness is to be expected, but when you’re actually worried that some poor girl or guy is going to catch pneumonia, you are a super mature adult amongst toddlers.
13. Getting up or sitting down now comes with some type of involuntary moans and grunts.
We’re fragile people. All those years of poor dieting, skipping stretches or passing on any physical activity at all for that matter have finally caught up, and they’re vengeful. Unlike our great grandparents, most of us didn’t grow up walking 15 miles to school. Back and forth. In the snow. Barefoot. Maybe that’s why we’re feeling weak and unable to move around as easily at such a young age. Even in our twenties it’s increasingly difficult to move around after playing a game of pickup basketball, going for a jog, laying down on the floor or sitting in a crappy computer chair and Tweeting for three hours.
14. Your friends’ younger siblings who you remember being prepubescent little ones are now graduating from high school.
Seriously though, it’s crazy to see these people who were tiny humans not too long ago attending college, accomplishing things, and just being fully grown in general. We all remember hanging out at someone’s house during high school and having occasional interaction with their younger siblings who we think of to this day as babies. Years went by. Nature happened. Some are bigger than you, some are smarter than you, some are more successful than you, and you’re stuck there wondering why time is in such a hurry.
15. Many of the popular athletes and celebrities currently on the rise are younger than you
This is particularly discouraging considering they have all this success before they can legally enter a bar.