1. The accessories are strategically placed near the registers.
Even if you try not to look, your resistance is futile. Much like candy in a grocery store being the last thing you must refrain from buying when checking out, clothing stores love to stash their abundance of accessories up front. How does one stop themselves from indulging? I’m not even an accessory type of guy, but if the places I shopped at had the same setup. I’d probably be covered in more beads, strings, rings and necklaces than Johnny Depp.
2. Browsing items on a spinning display and having a rude person come whirl it around mid-scan.
If ever there were a valid reason for a physical altercation as an adult, it would have to be the moment when you’re blatantly looking at items on one of those swivel, rotating fixtures, and some rude shopper decides to spin it as if you don’t even exist, or you do exist, but are the most worthless piece of scum Forever 21 has ever seen. I’ve watched this happen numerous times and I’m always shocked that it doesn’t result in serious drama. My passive aggressive insides shudder at the thought of being stuck in this scenario. Do I speak up? Do I twirl it back my way? Do I start swinging? So many choices, yet I do literally nothing.
3. Stuff that you wouldn’t think costs that much is always unexpectedly expensive.
Who knew bras go for like, a lot more than $5. Well, I suppose anybody who has purchased one knew, but I was shocked to discover that you can find flip flops for $8, but a piece of clothing most won’t see can cost $40. Also, it made me feel guilty for giving out puny $10 Victoria’s Secret gift cards in the past. Sure, the thought counts, but it doesn’t cover a $30 difference.
4. The lure of sexy clearance tags.
I firmly believe that there are blatant lies in the form of clearance tags, all over any given women’s clothing store. There’s no way some of these bags are regularly priced $600, but reduce to $100 on clearance. How can such significant discrepancies exist? Did they initially install satellite TV in the bag but have it removed before clearance? Did the bag speak Swahili and give life guidance before it went on clearance? My theory is that these items regularly priced, say, $100 wouldn’t get a second look, but the instant that bright orangeish, reddish tag tells you it used to cost an arm and leg, it’s appeal rises. You can’t pass on a deal, right? It’s trickery, I tell you. Shenanigans that I fear I wouldn’t have the ability to avoid.
5. Stuff is everywhere and I wouldn’t even know where to begin looking.
During my many stints in retail, I saw enough women unfold pants, take tops off hangers and shoes out of boxes, then toss them aside carelessly like this was a norm or socially acceptable. Then, because I worked slow and painstakingly, I’d watch new customers come in and dig through piles in the aisles of what looked like a post apocalyptic clothing store, often seeming to find just whatever item they were seeking. Why? How? I don’t have the answers, but I’ve seen enough to form the questions.
6. Checking bank account balances after facing aforementioned adversity.
It’s difficult to imagine that I’d hold my own against opponents like clearance tags & last minute accessories, but the true nightmare comes after failed resistance. Having to stare my post-shopping financial situation in the eye, knowing just how little self-control I had would be an emasculating moment of shopping glory mixed with inner disappointment. Still, I suppose the heeling process eases the healing process.