50 Terrible, Quick Jokes That’ll Get You A Laugh On Demand

As many of you know, corny jokes that have terrible puns and/or cringe-worthy punchlines some of my favorite things. For example, my Twitter is basically a résumé of the pathetic attempts at humor that people who interact with me daily have to deal with. Here are a couple examples of my bold swings at being funny:

Those nuggets of gold didn’t come out of nowhere, y’all. I love a good joke, especially one that can actually be shared with people when it’s laughs that they seek. The last thing you want is some to say “Tell me a joke,” or to be in a room full of funny without any prepared material to contribute. So, for the crucial moments when you want to create a little hehe-haha, here are 50 jokes from around the web (not my jokes)  that’ll get the job done for you.

1. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

2. I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.

3. The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.

4. A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

5. What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeño business.

6. What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? Wataaaaah!

7. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

8. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.

9. There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

10. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.

11. So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.

12. A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.

13. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

14. Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.

15. Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.

16. How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet.

17. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.

18. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.

19. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.

20. Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines everywhere!

21. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well known six offender.

22. What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.

23. My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

24. What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyoncé.

25. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana.

Never give up hope.

How do you come back from your lowest point? How do you drag yourself out of that black hole of nothingness that has consumed your life? For me, being diagnosed with Hidradenitis Suppurativa wasn’t easy. I now believe that if I can manage this skin condition, I can do anything.

Be Strong
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  • http://weaponofjargon.wordpress.com chantellemenezes

    Reblogged this on Weapon of Jargon and commented:
    Hahahahahah, just my kind of lame.

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  • http://dsahagun.wordpress.com dsahagun89

    Reblogged this on dsahagun.

  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/20-quick-puns-jokes-that-will-get-you-a-laugh-or-an-awkward-blank-stare/ 20 Quick Puns & Jokes That Will Get You A Laugh (Or An Awkward Blank Stare) | Thought Catalog

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  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2013/09/20-quick-puns-jokes-that-will-get-you-a-laugh-or-an-awkward-blank-stare/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

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  • http://twrightloveblog.wordpress.com twrightlove

    Reblogged this on twrightloveblog and commented:
    So cheesy, but funny ;-)

  • http://setoshino.wordpress.com Setoshino

    Reblogged this on The World Without Us.

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  • http://northendmc.wordpress.com northendmc

    Reblogged this on North End MC and commented:
    “My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.”

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  • lping

    Reblogged this on My take on Life. and commented:
    hahaha, these are goooooood.

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    Reblogged this on All Things Bright and Beautiful and commented:
    Hahahaha.. This is funny :)

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