1. Listening to the radio. 96% of all songs are about LOVE and that’s never more evident than when you are in it, or in the midst of being forced out of it. Seemingly EVERYTHING heard on the radio will have some relatable lyrics that’ll make you go, “Dude, that’s SO me right now!” before your eyes fill with tears and you fight off a weep session. Not to mention any specific songs that remind you of them sound like nails on a chalkboard, if the chalkboard is your heart. Brutal, y’all.
2. Using social networks freely. It’s basically like a horror movie as you slowly scroll and click your way through profiles, photos and whatnot, praying you won’t see anything involving your ex. Do you ever do that thing where you cover your eyes with your hands, but split a couple fingers to take a risky peek? Well sometimes that happens as well, but it’s more like going to an ex’s friend’s profile or somewhere you have no business going, knowing that may or may not come across something that you may or may not want to see.
3. Meeting/talking to/dating new people. How even do I speak to complete strangers? Maybe being out of the single game for so long has left you rusty, or if you didn’t have great wooing abilities to begin with, they’ve only gotten worse. Stuttering, mumbling, perspiring, awkwardly admitting to and describing in great detail the heavy levels of perspiring you’re doing – it’s a slippery, sweaty slope.
4. Living in the same city as your ex. All breakups should come with terms and conditions on who’s allowed to frequent particular places. She gets custody of your favorite coffee shop; he has visitation rights to the bar you always used to go to on weekends. If only things always ended amicably enough to hash out details so that there are no accidental run-ins and everybody stays happy.
5. Sleeping at night. It’s like suddenly your imagination is feeling active, playing out awful things that you’d rather not be picturing or thinking about. On top of not being able to sleep, if you do finally doze off you’re often greeted with some type of nightmare that consists of your ex doing something that, if it were to happen in reality, would crush your soul into a million tiny pieces.
6. Existing. With every breakup comes an emotionally lopsided life for one of the parties involved. See, it is unfortunate but seldom do we witness two people evenly hurt by or happy with their parting ways. If you can look at a freshly split up couple and say one was more in love than the other, then one, it wasn’t love and two, the person who is struggling is feeling significantly more miserable seeing their ex handle things so emotionlessly. Some just cope better than others, but it’s never easy being the one whose heart broke just a little bit harder.
7. Dieting. Those of us who eat our feelings know that feelings aren’t found in the produce section. Feelings are typically fried, sweet, fat-calorie filled or all of the above. It’s even difficult to turn down comfort food when you’re happy and in love, so if we’re in a traumatic state it’s only going to be increasingly difficult to not have Jethro bowls of ice cream and disregard any kind of healthy grubbing.
8. Feeling capable of not completely sucking. We’ve all been there after having our hearts shattered – our thoughts repeating negative phrases, keeping us in a funk and being our harshest critic. Peter you suck could be the brokenhearted anthem because in those days, weeks, or months of recovery, it’s far too real and relevant.