1. Aziz Ansari
The only struggle here is that I’d probably expect every word that left his mouth to be a part of a hilarious story, which could lead to some disappointing moments when monotonous lunch time conversation ends anticlimactically. Imagine Aziz needing to vent and relying on your listening skills as he talks about very serious stuff going on in his life. You’d be grinning the entire time, anticipating a brilliant punch line and that’d probably make things awkward when it never comes. Still, I want to watch and discuss Hitch and hit up Applebee’s happy hour with Aziz… I don’t know why, he just seems like a guy who’d be down for some Applebee’s happy hour.
2. Rob Delaney
We all need that buddy we can text with our potential tweets to see if they’re worthy of sharing publicly, and who better than arguably the funniest person on Twitter? Also if I ever needed a good speedo or some fresh dad jeans, Rob Delaney is the only one I want advice from.
3. Norman Reedus
Believe it or not this isn’t at all about getting the early scoop on The Walking Dead, although I wouldn’t complain if he could give a heads up on significant character deaths so I’d have time to emotionally prepare myself. The appeal of Norman Reedus lies within his fan friendliness and unique ability to come off as a complete badass and a really nice guy at the same time. It’s a craft that many try to imitate, but he seems to naturally encompass.
4. Michelle Beadle
There are several reasons why Michelle Beadle and I should be best friends, but the main ones are that we could sit around all day eating delicious foods, watching and discussing sports – specifically basketball and professional wrestling, and hating the existence of foolish internet trolls. When her days on ESPN’s SportsNation came to an end, I followed her to The Crossover on NBC and I like to think that loyalty would translate over to our hypothetical real life connection. I mean, we both love the San Antonio Spurs and dislike the Miami Heat’s bandwagon “fan” base, so why not join forces and collaborate on these activities in a tightly knit friendship over tacos & wine?
5. Michael Cera
Because I’m tired of being the only awkward friend and I’m sure he could take over some of my shifts or ease my tension by providing a second source of anxious, lanky, discomforting person in the room.
6. Denzel Washington
Friends, best friends, inseparable buddies — whatevs. If I really think about it I’d probably actually like to be Denzel Washington’s son, but since that’s impossible I’m willing to settle for a friendship.
7. Jennifer Lawrence
Because duh. Everyone wants to be friends with her so this shouldn’t come as a shocker. She’s carries all of the cool, witty tendencies that I wish I could have, unfortunately it never pans out that way. Remember, there’s a reason I need an apprehensive, nervous partner like Michael Cera, and it’s mostly to feel less self-conscious about my lack of extroverted charisma.
8. Idris Elba
Of course I’d never want my girlfriend present when he’s around, but aside from that Idris Elba and I would get along great. He’d tell people in his London Borough of Hackney accent how great of a bloke I am, I’d convince him to never stop making new episodes of Luther and he’d call me Hudspeth but it’d sound more like Hudspeff, and we’d go on adventures like a black version of Mario & Luigi. Clearly I’m the Luigi in this scenario, but at least I get to jump down pipes, ride Yoshi and be played in a movie by John Leguizamo.
9. Mila Kunis
Ever since that interview a while back where Mila Kunis came off as extremely charming and friendly I’ve wondered if she maintains that type of approachableness in her everyday life. She’s down for an impromptu chicken, beer and a soccer session? Two of those three things are pretty much requirements in all of my friendships, and I can dig a spontaneous person who won’t shoot down random invites immediately.
10. Ellen DeGeneres
We would throw dinner parties every Tuesday. I’d cook large meals for Ellen and Portia, which they’d absolutely love. “How did you get the roast so tender?” Ellen would ask, and I’d playfully wag my finger and respond with something witty, prompting room-wide laughter. After eating we would clear out the living room furniture and have a brief, but effective dance session. There are few people in the public eye who seem to have such positive energy, so basically anytime anything in my life went wrong I’d call Ellen and she’d effortlessly cheer me up with her optimistic, happy aura.