1. Tom Haverford of Parks And Recreation
I can picture it now. Tom and I would create a business that specialized in absolutely nothing and it would rapidly tank shortly thereafter. Luckily there’s always money in the Rent-A-Swag bank, so we’d be just fine to proceed having treat-yo-self days multiple times a week. People would stop us on the street and mistake Tom for a shorter, Indian Ryan Gosling (and me for an ugly, accent-less version of Idris Elba) and we’d have a chuckle about it, then do our super secret handshake.
Also, Tom always has perfect beard stubble and I’d really like tips on how he maintains that. In short, he’d probably be the most fun of anyone on this list because he’s not too serious about important stuff like work, but he’s very concerned with fashion and his physical appearance, which means he’s always down to shop. And fingers crossed you’d at the very least get to be acquaintances/Facebook friends with Jean-Ralphio. (Not to mention he could introduce me to
Rashida Ann Perkins and be the best man at our wedding.)
2. Alex Hitchens of Hitch
If your love life is in shambles and you’re really bad at meeting people, Hitch is the answer. Meeting men/women will quickly become a walk in the park, being that you’re friends with a guru/expert who has dating down to a science. You’ll get into clubs and exclusive events because he’s clearly got connections. Hitch is like that dude on Facebook with 5,000 friends, except he’s actually cool and doesn’t promote shitty clubs while leaving lame hashtag comments on barely legal girls’ Facebook photos like, #DamnMa. Who wouldn’t want to be the Robin to his Batman?
3. Jim Halpert of The Office
Halpert is just so freaking awesome, I completely understood why Michael Scott tried so often to befriend him. The only possible downside is that he’d probably be busy with Pam, but she could hang out too, you wouldn’t complain. Jim just seems like a good time. The clever pranks, the subtle jokes, the witty remarks – I want to be like Jim! Sometimes when someone says something stupid, I even make the Jim-Halpert-Face into an imaginary camera being held by a member of the fantasy crew following me around to document my life. I can’t be the only one out there who prays John Krasinski is even a little bit like Jim, right?
4. Troy & Abed of Community
Obviously these two come as a package deal because you aren’t getting one without the other – and why would you want to? They are a great duo and all we could hope for is to be the bread in their peanut butter-and-jelly connection. If you’re aging but refuse to accept adulthood, these are the guys you want to be hanging with. Pillow forts, blanket forts, playing Inspector Spacetime, rapping and waking up at the crack of dawn to film Troy & Abed & INSERT YOUR NAME HERE in the morning would be epic. If you play your cards right, chances are you’d find your way to the study group and deanvelop friendships with the rest of the crew… Get it, deanvelop… No? Fail — I really Britta’d that.
5. Marshall Eriksen of How I Met Your Mother
I know, Barney Stinson is the more obvious choice because he’s always down to go out and be a wingman or do crazy things, and he knows magic — but Marshall is for those who are ready to settle down some, and have a good time at home or in less wild, crazy environments. Plus Barney hooked up with Robin after Ted and her broke up, violating his own bro code, which is pretty messed up. Marshall is clearly a dedicated friend, as he’s regularly seen assisting and consoling Ted through his various dating blunders. If you’re in a relationship, how fun would couple dates be if you had Marshall and Lily there with you? If you’re looking to go out and hookup with people, Barney is certainly a better candidate – but for folks who are past the club phase, Marshall is your guy.
6. Skeeter of Doug
He’s more than just the token blue friend! Skeeter was a great listener if you look back at many episodes of Doug. He was always listening to and advising Doug when it came to Patti Mayonnaise related discussions, and we all need a friend who provides a pair of ears while we bitch and moan about our crushes. There’s also something about having a friend nicknamed “Skeet” that I find very enticing. It’s just a fun word to say, it’s like the opposite of “moist” or “squirt.” If you were a cartoon, he has to be one of the most approachable guys out there and I bet the twenty-something version of Skeeter is even friendlier. I’d also bet that he’s still wearing the same clothes, including his trademark red shirt with the lightning bolt on it.
7. Phil of The Hangover
Knowing that no matter how drugged or drunk you are, you’ve got this guy by your side is definitely a relief. If you blackout and have no idea why anything is the way it is, this man will figure it out. He’s rarely panicked and keeps composure in the craziest of situations, which is necessary when you’ve got guns pointed at you, or a naked Asian man beating you with a crowbar. His investment in his friends’ happiness is evident when he goes through leaps and bounds to get them to their wedding on time against all odds. Essentially he’s UPS Next Day Air that delivers despite a hurricane. That’s pretty appealing. Also, he’s a good-looking, likeable guy, which comes in handy when you need someone to charm a higher authority figure.
8. Brad Williams of Happy Endings
Brad is the prototype of a great, man best friend. He watches sports, plays video games, goes to the bar – and most importantly, is hilarious. He has a wife, which appeals to those involved in their own relationships or marriages because much like Marshall, he opens up the world of couples dating. If it’s a funny friend to keep you in good spirits that you seek, look no further than Brad. He’s a regular comedian and amateur ventriloquist, as seen below.
(SIDENOTE: If you don’t watch Happy Endings, you’re missing out big time. Do yourself a favor and take some time to watch because it’s arguably THE best comedy on television right now.)
9. Rick Grimes of The Walking Dead
When you’re Rick’s best friend you’ve got a lot of leeway to screw up, considering he let former BFF Shane live, despite the fact that he hooked up with his wife. Now I’m not sure he’d let that slide if the world is in decent condition, but he’s definitely a loyal guy which is more than you can say for many these days. In a functioning world he’s a sheriff so maybe he can get you out of the occasional speeding ticket. In a walker-filled-world, Rick is one of the few kind hearts (at least he was for the first 2 seasons) and a superb leader. Yes, the zombie apocalypse is unlikely but if it ever went down, Rick Grimes would be a hot commodity for those seeking a bestie.
10. Woody of Toy Story
If we were all action figures and Barbies, we’d do our damndest to get in cahoots with Woody and company. In a perfect world we’d be owned by childish Troy and Abed, because they’d probably never stop playing with us — even in their adulthood. If anything crazy goes down, it’s a relief to know that Woody is leading your way to safety… Unless you’re about to be dumped into a fiery furnace, in which case Woody will grab you by the hand and accept your ill-fate Seriously though, that scene in Toy Story 3 legit had me thinking the crew (along with my childhood) were going to die. I’m not saying I cry every time that scene comes on, but I do get something in my eye. Regardless, knowing that you’ve got a friend in Woody is all a toy can really hope for.